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23-03-2017, 08:28 PM
1

Jokes for blokes

What's the difference between a haematologist and a urologist?

A haematologist pricks your finger.
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23-03-2017, 08:38 PM
2

Re: Jokes for blokes

A beautiful, sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender, who approached her immediately.

She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies' room."
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23-03-2017, 09:09 PM
3

Re: Jokes for blokes

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replies.

"What kind of name is that?" the cowboy asks.

"Well," says the bartender, " He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," says the cowboy, "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," says the bartender.
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23-03-2017, 10:07 PM
4

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by JBR ->
What's the difference between a haematologist and a urologist?

A haematologist pricks your finger.
After I worked it out....
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23-03-2017, 10:09 PM
5

Re: Jokes for blokes

Q. What's the difference between an egg and masturbation?
A. You can beat an egg.
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23-03-2017, 10:36 PM
6

Re: Jokes for blokes

How can you tell the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?



The taste.
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24-03-2017, 02:44 PM
7

Re: Jokes for blokes

A squaddie comes back from Afghanistan on leave and goes into his local for a few pints. The local university had organised an anti-war demo of 100 students which was walking past the pub chanting, "Troops out," "Murderers," etc.

The squaddie walks out, whips out his sheath knife and, in a blur, kicks the hell out of all 100 of them in about ten seconds. He finishes off by lopping off the lead student's ear before strolling back into the pub and ordering another pint and a pork pie.

He opens the pork pie, flips the ear into it and eats it with one bite.

The barman, obviously impressed, says, "Special forces, right?"

"Nah," the squaddie replies, "Pioneer Corps."
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24-03-2017, 08:11 PM
8

Re: Jokes for blokes

SMUT ALERT! LADIES, DON'T LOOK!

What does a dwarf get if he runs through a woman's legs?

A clit around the ear and a flap across the face.
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24-03-2017, 08:18 PM
9

Re: Jokes for blokes

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.

Dyslexics of the world - untie!

Two dyslexics were chatting on the Tube.
"Can you smell gas?" the first chap asked.
"I can't even smell my own name," was the reply.

Old MacDonald was dyslexic...K, Y, J, E, O.

Spoke to a mate today. He said he had some bad news from the doctor - the big C!
"Bloody hell, mate, cancer?" I asked.
"No," he said, "Dyslexia."
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24-03-2017, 08:58 PM
10

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by JBR ->
SMUT ALERT! LADIES, DON'T LOOK!

What does a dwarf get if he runs through a woman's legs?

A clit around the ear and a flap across the face.
Standby to standby....
 
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