07-12-2020, 10:08 PM
1
More Gnomes
The Erotic Gnomes
Claude Moonpenny had a collection of rare, erotic gnomes. He had a few conventional gnomes in his front garden, but the erotic ones were at the back of his house, hidden from public view. Claud’s wife, Marge, didn’t approve of the gnomes.
It had taken Claude many years to amass his collection, and it included pieces from all over the world. Marge dreaded to think how much money her husband had spent on his hobby over the years, and harboured more than a little resentment at having to put up with a threadbare sofa and carpet in her living room, while thousands of pounds worth of obscene, ceramic debauchery was on display outside.
Claude was rearranging his Karma Sutra set when he had his heart attack, and dropped dead amidst a scenario of shameless cavorting. It is probably how he would have wanted to go, but perhaps without a bearded figurine trying to penetrate his left ear.
Erotic gnomery is a very specialized area, and Marge had to do a lot of research to find a market for the unsavoury population of her back garden. Her efforts, though, were rewarded handsomely. It turned out that the “Moonpenny Collection” was renowned and much coveted within erotic gnoming circles, and the news that it was on the market caused something of a feeding frenzy.
The gnomes all went to a very wealthy collector from Amsterdam, in the end. Marge made enough money from the sale to give up her cleaning job, buy a small cottage in the country, and live quite comfortably on what remained.
While Marge could not honestly say that she missed Claude, she could say that she did not miss the gnomes. Nevertheless, she kept one as a memento. That gnome usefully serves as a door stop in her cottage now. Marge did have concerns about the effect its appearance might have on any unprepared visitors to the house, but a sharp tap with a toffee hammer and a small pair of trousers soon fixed that.
07-12-2020, 10:31 PM
5
Re: More Gnomes
Originally Posted by Silver Tabby
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We had a wonderful Gnome adventure on here a couple of years back - will see if I can find a link.
08-12-2020, 01:31 PM
10
Re: More Gnomes
Originally Posted by Harbal
->
The Erotic Gnomes
Claude Moonpenny had a collection of rare, erotic gnomes. He had a few conventional gnomes in his front garden, but the erotic ones were at the back of his house, hidden from public view. Claud’s wife, Marge, didn’t approve of the gnomes.
It had taken Claude many years to amass his collection, and it included pieces from all over the world. Marge dreaded to think how much money her husband had spent on his hobby over the years, and harboured more than a little resentment at having to put up with a threadbare sofa and carpet in her living room, while thousands of pounds worth of obscene, ceramic debauchery was on display outside.
Claude was rearranging his Karma Sutra set when he had his heart attack, and dropped dead amidst a scenario of shameless cavorting. It is probably how he would have wanted to go, but perhaps without a bearded figurine trying to penetrate his left ear.
Erotic gnomery is a very specialized area, and Marge had to do a lot of research to find a market for the unsavoury population of her back garden. Her efforts, though, were rewarded handsomely. It turned out that the “Moonpenny Collection” was renowned and much coveted within erotic gnoming circles, and the news that it was on the market caused something of a feeding frenzy.
The gnomes all went to a very wealthy collector from Amsterdam, in the end. Marge made enough money from the sale to give up her cleaning job, buy a small cottage in the country, and live quite comfortably on what remained.
While Marge could not honestly say that she missed Claude, she could say that she did not miss the gnomes. Nevertheless, she kept one as a memento. That gnome usefully serves as a door stop in her cottage now. Marge did have concerns about the effect its appearance might have on any unprepared visitors to the house, but a sharp tap with a toffee hammer and a small pair of trousers soon fixed that.
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