Grief

How do you cope with it?
Now don`t get me wrong - I`ve lost both parents, a husband and many lovely doggy companions, but the grieving process was always bearable.
But with my son`s passing in April I am finding that if anything it gets worse as the days go on. Every day the realisation and pain come crashing in like a tide. Triggered by a place, a sound, a memory. The usual things just don`t work - thinking about the good times just makes me miss him more. Telling myself he`s at peace makes me feel guilty for missing him so much.
I know it has to get more bearable eventually. But is there anything that has helped you?

Re: Grief

It's much harder to begin with Claire. Then I think you change and your pain threshold goes up - the pain is still there and still as poignant - but somehow, somehow, you are just better able to deal with it.

That's how it was with me when my brother died (over 10 years ago now) - still miss him, and it still gets me down - but I can think about the good times and that can bring a smile to my face now.

*hug*

Re: Grief

I suppose I am fortunate I have never had the feeling of grief when anyone I knew died. When my father died in 2005 I was relieved he was out of pain, but he had lived a fulfilled life so I didn't see any point in being sorry he was dead. I was very close to my maternal grandmother, but when she died of a stroke in 1980 I was relieved for her. She would have hated to have anyone caring for her, or to have gone into a home. She had been a widow for 32 years and I know she would have been glad to go as she still missed her husband very much.

When my husband suffered a devasting brain haemorrhage in 2006, which left him brain damaged, I did grieve for the loss of the man he was. I think that maybe it might have been kinder if nature had taken its course. If he died now I doubt I would feel any worse about the situation.

Re: Grief

I had my best friend die in my arms and I lost a whole week-end, I do not remember any of it.
I was luck and my lovely wife helped me through that.

We all deal with grief in different ways Claire. I do not know if anyone can tell you how to really deal with your grief.
I would like to offer a suggestion as you love painting, why not start to paint a series of paintings that depict all your loved ones, past and present, starting with the present, in some memorable scenes where you can look at them and relive those special moments.
It will not remove your pain but it could help to fill empty hours and reduce the time you have for feeling the pain.

One thing I would like to say is 'Never feel quilty' because you are still here and others have left you.
You are not the one who was chosen to go and you did not do the choosing.

My heart and prayers go out to you.

Re: Grief

I am terribly sorry Claire that I have nothing to offer you, I have never been in the situation of loosing a child, it must be really hard when things just pop up that remind you of him.

I do believe that time is a great healer but we are talking years not months here. See Azz's post above.

I believe you to be a good person, right now you also need to be strong, I hope you can be.

Re: Grief

Claire, there is nothing that can prepare a mother for the loss of her child and that is what makes the grieving process so unbearable. I think we are, in a way, programmed during our path through life to accept the loss of an older relation/friend, and that helps us through it.

Grief is a process not a timed event, there is no set time frame.

No-one can take away your grief but I feel sure many of us here are good listeners and if it helps you to talk and share memories about your dear son, we are always here for you. The mention of your son's name may bring tears to your eyes but the the memories you store are precious gifts of the heart.

My heart and thoughts are with you ...... *hugs*

Re: Grief

I don't know how I would feel if one of my children died, even though they are now adults. I guess that would grieve me much more than the loss of parents or husband.

Re: Grief

Claire... there is nothing that I can add that hasn't been said already

Losing a child must be the hardest thing to happen as you just don't think that your child will leave this world before you.

The worst grief that I have ever had was when I lost my Dad when he was 50 and I had not long had my son... I just cried and couldn't stop for two whole days I think that is was made worse by recent child birth

Re: Grief

Claire, my heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you....

Grieving for a Son/Daughter must be the worst possible situation you can go through. When my Mum died I went through every emotion..anger, guilt, isolation, always seemed to be asking the question why my Mum, and all I can say is that time was a great healer-the pain became less and the happy memories took over, but it did take me a long time to reach that point...Take care.......

Re: Grief

Thankyou all for your kind words.
AB- strange you should say that - I have started a series of paintings based on old photos. That does help.
I have also volunteered for a scheme that runs art courses for people with mental health issues. As a way of giving something back. Sam loved doing art projects with us.
One day at a time, I suppose.