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Harbal
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Harbal is offline
South Yorkshire
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23-06-2021, 08:42 PM
1

The Day I Killed A Goblin

I didn’t actually mean to do it. It was curled up asleep in a skip, and I dropped a cooker on it. I thought it was just an old, rolled up piece of carpet. Anyway, the problem is, according to the Law of the Wither World: “He who slayeth a Goblin shall become provider and protector of all his goblets and likewise his goblin spouse”.

Now I’ve got a shed full of them, and I have to take them rabbiting or ratting twice a day. They will eat dog if they get the chance, but they’re on their own with that. Finding a school that will take them is proving a nightmare.




Before you come all guns blazing: I’m not saying this is a true story.
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Besoeker
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23-06-2021, 08:52 PM
2

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Bizarre. Just bizarre.
Harbal's Avatar
Harbal
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23-06-2021, 08:54 PM
3

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Originally Posted by Besoeker ->
Bizarre. Just bizarre.
Have you been sleeping with Bratti again.
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Primus1
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23-06-2021, 08:57 PM
4

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

You might get reported to elf n safety harbal, and social smurf ices may take your goblets away……
Harbal's Avatar
Harbal
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23-06-2021, 09:00 PM
5

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
You might get reported to elf n safety harbal, and social smurf ices may take your goblets away……
At last, someone willing to really get into the spirit of the thing. I'm so impressed, Primus, that I'm going to let you take it from here. Run with it.
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Primus1
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23-06-2021, 09:13 PM
6

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Well, if the young goblets go to school, make sure they are taught the elf abet, at break time they will be asked to line up in elf abetical order, so make sure you have all their names to hand, when they leave school, a lot get jobs with the national elf service, but some like to perform on stage as elvish impersonators……
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Harbal
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23-06-2021, 09:17 PM
7

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
Well, if the young goblets go to school, make sure they are taught the elf abet, at break time they will be asked to line up in elf abetical order, so make sure you have all their names to hand, when they leave school, a lot get jobs with the national elf service, but some like to perform on stage as elvish impersonators……
Don't be better at this than me, Primus, or I'm going to have to let you go.
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Aerolor
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23-06-2021, 09:22 PM
8

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

You might have to go to the goblin liaison office to sort this problem Harbal. If they can't help then employ a wizard, but beware they don't come cheap and some of them are frauds and probably are in league with the goblins which can cause even worse problems. Otherwise if all else fasils, I suggest you empty the skip, take it 99 miles away, turn it upside down and live in there for the next 6 months in total isolation. We have just had covid so you will have the experience if not the tolerance.. However, don't expect your home to be habitable -even still standing when you return. You will probably have to re-build.

PS don't tell your grandchildren about this or you will really be buggered. Good luck.
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23-06-2021, 09:24 PM
9

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Such good advice I posted it twice to make sure you read it.
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Aerolor
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23-06-2021, 09:26 PM
10

Re: The Day I Killed A Goblin

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
Well, if the young goblets go to school, make sure they are taught the elf abet, at break time they will be asked to line up in elf abetical order, so make sure you have all their names to hand, when they leave school, a lot get jobs with the national elf service, but some like to perform on stage as elvish impersonators……
Don't encourage Harbal to keep them Primus. He needs to get rid p.d.q. - I doubt he can afford the upkeep for one thing.
 
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