Join for free
Reply
Page 175 of 176 « First < 75 125 165 173 174 175 176 >
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,160
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
14-09-2020, 08:19 PM
1741

Re: Let's have a laugh

A GROANER!!!!
Constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out of a spouse was $10,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Aldi. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any
living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid
plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper the headline declared!


(You're going to hate me for this...)








"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ ALDI"
Reply With Quote
Judd's Avatar
Judd
Chatterbox
Judd is offline
West Riding of Yorkshire
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 11,142
Judd is male  Judd has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
14-09-2020, 08:37 PM
1742

Re: Let's have a laugh

Dad - Congratulations son, today will be the happiest day of your life
Son - Dad. The wedding's tomorrow
Dad - I know
Reply With Quote
JBR's Avatar
JBR
Chatterbox
JBR is online now
Cheshire, UK
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 27,680
JBR is male  JBR has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
14-09-2020, 09:06 PM
1743

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
Dad - Congratulations son, today will be the happiest day of your life
Son - Dad. The wedding's tomorrow
Dad - I know
Nicked!
Reply With Quote
Longdogs's Avatar
Longdogs
Chatterbox
Longdogs is offline
England
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 38,660
Longdogs is male  Longdogs has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
14-09-2020, 09:14 PM
1744

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
A GROANER!!!!
Constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out of a spouse was $10,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Aldi. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any
living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid
plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper the headline declared!


(You're going to hate me for this...)








"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ ALDI"


There was an Italian Pony in Sainsbury's today searching through the cream cheeses. I noticed he wasn't wearing a mask, so i went up to him and asked 'Shouldn't you be wearing a mask?'

He turned to me and said...


You're gonna hate me for this too.....


'No mascarpone'
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,160
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
15-09-2020, 09:14 PM
1745

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Longdogs ->


There was an Italian Pony in Sainsbury's today searching through the cream cheeses. I noticed he wasn't wearing a mask, so i went up to him and asked 'Shouldn't you be wearing a mask?'

He turned to me and said...


You're gonna hate me for this too.....


'No mascarpone'
LOL -- a good follow- on LOL!!
Reply With Quote
Old Supporter's Avatar
Old Supporter
Senior Member
Old Supporter is offline
Bedfordshire UK
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 543
Old Supporter is male  Old Supporter has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-09-2020, 07:47 AM
1746

Re: Let's have a laugh

In one of the old fashhioned Asylems, one of the inmates rapes one of the Laundry Assistants and runs away.

Headlines in the newspaper next day read Nut screws washer and bolts
Reply With Quote
JBR's Avatar
JBR
Chatterbox
JBR is online now
Cheshire, UK
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 27,680
JBR is male  JBR has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-09-2020, 09:12 AM
1747

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Old Supporter ->
In one of the old fashhioned Asylems, one of the inmates rapes one of the Laundry Assistants and runs away.

Headlines in the newspaper next day read Nut screws washer and bolts
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,160
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-09-2020, 01:22 PM
1748

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by old supporter ->
in one of the old fashhioned asylems, one of the inmates rapes one of the laundry assistants and runs away.

Headlines in the newspaper next day read nut screws washer and bolts
lol!!!! Short and sweet!!
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,160
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-09-2020, 01:24 PM
1749

Re: Let's have a laugh

A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!

Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a f#ckin’ doctor!��
Reply With Quote
JBR's Avatar
JBR
Chatterbox
JBR is online now
Cheshire, UK
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 27,680
JBR is male  JBR has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-09-2020, 01:55 PM
1750

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!

Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a f#ckiní doctor!��
Yes. Brilliant, and how very true.
Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 175 of 176 « First < 75 125 165 173 174 175 176 >

Thread Tools


© Copyright 2009, Over50sForum   Contact Us | Over 50s Forum! | Archive | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Top

Powered by vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.