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Annie Jack
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Annie Jack is offline
Ontario, Canada
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Annie Jack is female  Annie Jack has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
27-12-2011, 04:19 PM
1

He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

My partner has mood swings. Met him 5 years ago and he just moved in one day about 3 yrs ago without talking to me first. I adapted to having him + 2 teens under my roof. I love him, worry about him (he's had 3 mild strokes this year), wish his kids would grow up and move out.

Once or twice a year he flies into a rage over something trivial (like me buying the wrong size box of chips, or asking him to carry in something too heavy for me) and declares he's done with the relationship and is leaving. I have anxiety attacks, worry how he'll manage, how I'll manage. A few days later he carries on as normal but it leaves me shaky and depressed. Happened again Dec. 20 so I had to tell my daughter I couldn't have her stay here for her Christmas visit and she stayed with friends. I got out of the house to visit her and she came to our family dinner at another relative's.

Feel like I'm on thin ice all the time. Any suggestions on how to cope? He refuses to see a doctor or take meds.
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Mollie
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27-12-2011, 04:27 PM
2

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

Annie I feel for you but, if he won't see a doctor or take medication, then there's little you can do.

These temporary rages could be a sign of something other than being bi-polar though. Somebody bi-polar tends to have weird ideas, act oddly and stuff like that, all the time, unless they're on medication to "level" them. That's not to say he isn't bi-polar though as I'm not a psychiatrist.

My sister-in-law was bi-polar (or, as it used to be called, manic depressive) and she was fine as long as she was on the meds, but was hard to handle when she didn't take them.

See if anything here can give you an idea.

http://helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_..._treatment.htm

What I'd suggest you do is have a word with your own doctor next time you seen him/her and describe this behaviour and get an opinion that way.

Wish I could be more helpful.
Hammer
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27-12-2011, 05:25 PM
3

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

Sue, so sad to hear about your troubles but I am sorry to say unless he wants to get help there is not a lot you can do to help him.

I am sure you will not want to hear this but your self preservation must be your number one priority. You cannot go on putting yourself at risk however minimal that risk is.

His children have to be active in this situation it is so unfair for you to shoulder all the burden.

You need to talk to his health professional as soon as possible.

Please take care.
George
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Mags
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27-12-2011, 07:51 PM
4

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

Sue, I'm sorry to hear you are having all this worry.

I know you have previously mentioned that you and his daughters don't exactly get on but they must have noticed these outbursts of rage also. For your partner's health and wellbeing, could you perhaps mention to the girls that you are concerned about the health of their Dad, maybe ask them if they have noticed any change in him, maybe since his mini strokes? They might be able to help persuade their Dad to see his Doctor if they thought there was something wrong with him.

You can't carry on like this, it sounds like you are unable to relax and are always on your guard

Take care...
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27-12-2011, 08:23 PM
5

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

once or twice a year he flies into a rage over something trivial (like me buying the wrong size box of chips, or asking him to carry in something too heavy for me) and declares he's done with the relationship and is leaving. I have anxiety attacks, worry how he'll manage, how I'll manage. A few days later he carries on as normal but it leaves me shaky and depressed. Happened again Dec. 20 so I had to tell my daughter I couldn't have her stay here for her Christmas visit and she stayed with friends. I got out of the house to visit her and she came to our family dinner at another relative's.

Feel like I'm on thin ice all the time. Any suggestions on how to cope? He refuses to see a doctor or take meds.
Aw Sue (hugs) what a horrible position you are in.
I know from other posts that you are not in good health yourself and also have your mother to worry about.
You really do need to get some help now, do you share the same Dr as your partner?

Talking things through with your own Dr is really the first step, I am sure you don't need me to tell you these worries can impact on your own health.
Also talk to your husband's Dr in confidence,the strokes could have contributed to the situation.

I am so sorry you had to miss being with your own Daughter at Christmas .

I know you say you love this man but your latest post coming after the others makes me think that your really do need to stop and look at where your life is going .
Is all this hassle really worth it, maybe you would be better without this man and his children.
I look at the photographs of you with your own lovely family and feel so sad that maybe you are not seeing the bigger picture and could be missing out on them and accepting second best...xx
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27-12-2011, 09:03 PM
6

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

So sorry to hear this Sue. Meg has posted the main points perfectly. How can you help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? Also, you must think of your own well-being in all of this. You don't need to be told that life is too short.

(((((Hugs)))))
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Annie Jack
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27-12-2011, 09:22 PM
7

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

Thank you all for the kind words. He doesn't have a family doctor nor will he go to see one. His kids believe him when he says he's fine, even while his arms or legs are going numb and he's slurring his words during a stroke. You're right that I can't help him. Going day to day for now. We run our business together and when he's depressed we don't work so income is sporadic. I expect I will declare bankruptcy in 2012 unless he can pull himself together and focus again. We had 3 great years before things began to spiral downward.

I kept Christmas spending to a bare minimum as being with my girls and mom and family was all I wanted and that was lovely.

Though my daughter didn't stay with me, I did spend time with her as the friends she stayed with live in the same city. She's now at the airport to fly back to Vancouver but we did have lots of time together with the rest of my family. I'm grateful for my family and friends - keeps me going. Also for the friendship here on the forum.
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anniemuldoon
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27-12-2011, 11:15 PM
8

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

Annie I think you know what I am going to say but its not right for you in your state of health, there is only one answer.... either get rid or get out.your duty is to yourself. Good luck AnnieJ.
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Mollie
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28-12-2011, 01:46 AM
9

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

Sue, did the link that I gave you help at all?

I didn't like to say, being the first to reply to you, but if you feel in danger for your well-being, then do as Annie says and get rid. You can't expose yourself to him turning on you physically. From what you've said, it's your house he and his daughters marched into so I'd give him an ultimatum. See a doctor, or get out! The fact that he moved in on you without discussing it first bothers me.

As to this unusual behaviour being caused by the three mini-strokes I can only reply as having had one myself a few months ago, and my temper is even at all times. I'm assuming he's taking the medications given him following the strokes, such as blood pressure tablets, a statin and a blood thinning agent such as Aspirin or Clopidogrel. Did he go for an MRI scan to see if there was a bleed to the brain, or just a minor clot?

I'm sorry lass, but from what you've said, I very much doubt he is bi-polar. As I said in my earlier post, you really must speak with your own doctor to get an opinion. May I ask how old he is?

Bi-polar literally means two opposites whereby the sufferer is almost dual-natured. Normal on meds, but the opposite without - Jekyll and Hyde I suppose you'd say, but that's not every now and again with bi-polar from my experience with my sister in law.

When he goes into a rage, does he remember it when he returns to normal? Did this start after he moved in with you? Did he have bad experiences in the past? All these things need to be questioned by an expert before a final diagnosis can be made and sadly lass, we're not experts, but we can provide support for you, albeit from a distance.

Edit: Another thought has occurred, and I'm just fishing here so forgive me. Do these violent outbursts occur at a particular time of the year and again, does he remember what he's done afterwards? If he does, does he apologise to you or does he just accept it as normal? If he doesn't remember, then I'm afraid you may have to take drastic steps to MAKE HIM see a doctor. Don't know how things work in Canada though.
Jean
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Northern ireland
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28-12-2011, 02:18 PM
10

Re: He's possibly bi-polar, I'm at a loss

I am no expert, but like other's here he really needs to see a doctor, having experienced and on the receiving end of this type of thing, he needs help.
 
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