A slim grip on reality?

It shuddered, then lurched forward and immediately shot backwards, it rotated rapidly in a clockwise direction then stopped and shook so violently that the poor pilots teeth vibrated. Then it materialized, surfaced, landed, arrived, whatever you would like to call the appearance of the strange multi colored craft.

“Oooops not my best landing!”
Exclaimed the strangely dressed pig-like pilot as he peered through the small round observation window in the turret of his beloved submarine Ethel.

“Oh bugger.”
He screamed when he realized the craft was hovering some distance from the ground adjacent to a large wind turbine a blade of which was heading in his direction.

“Don’t panic!”
He shouted several times as he ran around the cockpit waving his arms in the air. Nobody took a blind bit of notice because Slim as always was traveling alone.

Suddenly but not unexpectedly there was an almighty crash as one of the turbine blades struck the side of Ethel sending her careering into a nearby field of wheat. She bounced across the field like a stone skimming a pond leaving small circular indentations in the ripening crop, eventually coming to rest in the centre of the field rotating uncontrollably.

Slim who had been thrown to the floor stood up then immediately fell over again. Ethel had stopped spinning but Slims head had not. He eventually managed to struggle to his feet and after a tirade of expletives any seafarer would have been proud of he checked the central control panel.

“Dimension drive seems OK.”
He muttered to himself as he fired up the engines that had stalled on impact with the field. Ethel rose silently until hovering exactly two meters from the ground and gently floated out of the field to a nearby narrow country lane then she suddenly spluttered and fell to the ground again completely blocking the road.

‘Oh termite turds!”
Shouted Slim as he tapped the fuel gauge impatiently. The needle stayed fixed in the empty position and no matter how hard he tapped it or how loudly he shouted at it the thing refused to move.

With no fuel Ethel was going nowhere and Slim was late for a luncheon appointment. He raised the periscope and scanned the surrounding area. This was certainly not Grabos 5 and there were no restaurants in site, being a very intelligent Aardvark Slim quickly concluded he was on the wrong planet and after quickly checking his Astonav discovered he was on a rather backward planet called Earth. Not only was he on the wrong planet but was also on a forbidden one. The Collective had deemed the place to be dangerous and had given the food a zero star rating.

Whilst Slim was contemplating his situation and checking to see if he had enough food to sustain him till help arrived there was a tap, tap on Ethel’s hull.

‘What now!”
He sighed thinking there may be trouble with the ships stabilizers.
He flung open the airlock door above him and climbed out onto the observation turret. All seemed in order and he could see nothing but just as he was about to re-enter his ship a small voice said.

“Excuse me mister you have flattened my bike!”

Slim looked over the side and there below was a very small, very dirty and poorly dressed boy with a bad haircut pointing at a mangled bicycle wheel protruding from beneath Ethel’s stern.

Fetching his megaphone Slim shouted down.
“What are you?”

The boy who despite being very grubby was very polite replied.
‘Eric sir.”

“What is an Eric?”
Slim shouted back.

“ I am sir.”
The slightly confused ragamuffin replied.

“Have you any Cheese”
Slim bellowed into his megaphone.

The boy was completely thrown by this random remark and failed to reply.

Stupid these Erics must be?”
Mumbled Slim as he adjusted the translate switch on the megaphone.

“Haben Sie Käse?”
“Hebje enig kaas?”
“Aves-vous des fromages?”
“Avete formaggio?”

Slim was about to give up on the stupid Eric when the stunned child replied.
“Only in my sandwich.”

‘What a strange place to keep it?’
Thought Slim as he lowered the boarding net and descended. The Aardvark who was 10 feet tall if he was an inch towered over the small boy.

“Give me the cheese!”
"Gebt mir den Käse!"
“Geef me de kaas!”
“Donnez-moi le fromage!”
‘Dammin il formagio!”
“Daj mi sera!”
“Ge mig ost!”
Slim bellowed at the child through the megaphone convinced that the louder he shouted the better the simple Eric creature would understand. ©

Re: A slim grip on reality?

Is Slim reponsible for crop circles?
I think we should be told