08-01-2016, 04:06 PM
12
Re: When to say NO
I would not lend money to anyone, family or otherwise.I will qualify though, if I thought they were desperate [ and I do mean desperate] , not just for some tom fool thing, If I could afford it I would give them the money providing I had it od course.
We have done that and not regretted it TBH.
08-01-2016, 05:13 PM
13
Re: When to say NO
When I inherited some money many years ago. It was surprising that my friend came up with ideas that would involve my money for some business ventures.Of course I said no, and strange our friendship ended.
Move on quite a few years, and I lent some cash to my son to have his kitchen modernised. He started to pay me back, but then he split from his wife and got divorced. The loverly house that he had rebuilt had to be sold.
So no more repayments were made as his share was needed for another place to live.
Lost money for me.
08-01-2016, 05:35 PM
15
Re: When to say NO
Originally Posted by Emjay
->
When I inherited some money many years ago. It was surprising that my friend came up with ideas that would involve my money for some business ventures.Of course I said no, and strange our friendship ended.
Move on quite a few years, and I lent some cash to my son to have his kitchen modernised. He started to pay me back, but then he split from his wife and got divorced. The loverly house that he had rebuilt had to be sold.
So no more repayments were made as his share was needed for another place to live.
Lost money for me.
08-01-2016, 05:46 PM
16
Re: When to say NO
I lent my daughter money and even though she is stacked now she has never offered to pay me back.I would always say no now irrespective of whether I have it or not and yet I have sent real money to people I believe in real need not as a loan but as a help out usually for vet fees.
I let my son off his keep now and again if he has no work coming in but he will always do his best to make sure he gives extra at Christmas or other special times. So we work together.
08-01-2016, 06:26 PM
17
Re: When to say NO
Originally Posted by Older git
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I am such a soft touch. A friend of mine has a son who owes me £400 and his mum £600 -all vet bills the scrote failed to pay.He then cleared of to Malta to live. Him and his girlfriend decided to drop in to see mum(staying at her place) for a couple of weeks. Did they pay for anything?...
So yesterday my friend asked if I could lend her £30 to buy food as she was feeding 3. I could not say No. But this is the last time.
She would have done what any right thinking woman would've done and sent them shopping! And told them they'd have to pay for the food because she couldn't do so!
D'you get it? You're merely an enabler; you've enabled him to continue to sponge, and you've enabled the mum to continue to encourage him!
Sorry to be tough on you, you're just too nice! x
08-01-2016, 06:42 PM
18
Re: When to say NO
Originally Posted by Losos
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And another I could quote "Neither a lender nor a borrow be"That is one I try very hard to follow, even if it is family members who are asking.
You beat me to it, Losos.
That's what my Mum always used to say.
08-01-2016, 06:44 PM
19
Re: When to say NO
Hmm , memories of foolish me come flooding back.28 years ago my best friend a single mother of 4 came to tell me the bank had written to her telling her she was £350.00 in debt on her mortgage . Horrified she may lose her home I gave her the money later that day making her promise to pay off the debt. I said to her , one day when life changes for you you can pay me back .
Life changed for her a few years later when she married , then later sold the house moving into a larger country home , again life changed for her recently when she was left £225.000 by an old friend , and I've never been offered the money , in fact I believe she has completely forgotten I kept a roof over her head .
The amount may not sound a lot to some but it was a lot to me and money she would never have found anywhere else .
It hurts and annoys me that I was foolish......and we no longer meet
08-01-2016, 08:27 PM
20
Re: When to say NO
IMO avoid giving people cash.People who live beyond their means or who are alcoholics or have drug addictions etc will use cash for their own vices. No matter what picture they paint in terms of their desperate needs etc, the fact remains that such people, like all people, have priorities. I've seen lots of couples over the years say they are struggling, can't come out for a meal etc because money is tight, and when you go to their homes to see them you find they have big flat screen TVs, iPads, iPhones, Laptps etc etc. It's all about priorities.
People MUST learn to live within their means. You never help such people by giving them cash. Don't do it.
Instead, offer to buy or pay for the thing they need in the immediate term. Pay the vet bill rather than give cash. If they are struggling generally, buy them supermarket vouchers for their food, rather than give cash.
Bailing people out more than once does not help those people. You have to teach them to live within their means.
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