Re: JEALOUSY within the family

Oh then it's not normal at all IMO the parents need to talk without the child present and decide how to proceed as a team not as two different approaches, it must be confusing for a child not to have the same approach from both parents. Unite or the situation will get worse.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

Having brought up two sons mostly alone due to the death of
my ex. I made it clear from an early start in their lives that
I had a ME time I gave them all the attention I could when they
were younger but I also made it clear that once it was their
bedtime then they went and stayed in bed so I could get a few
hours to myself to recuperate.
You say that the lad gets to come in when you and your wife
are together. I would tell him nicely that it is not what he should
be doing and make him see where his status in the household
is. I think at the moment because he is allowed to get away
with a lot of the disturbing you and your wife time together he
is taking on a higher role than an 8 year old should hold in
the house. He wouldn't be allowed in my house to outshout
or talk me when he was that age and I am not trying to be
awful about that but it is something that shouldn't happen
unless there is a fire in the house or something.
Maybe if he does it again you could bring that to his attention
that unless there is something wrong then its not something
he should be doing. Both agree to these things in front of him.
He is not going to stop loving you but he will have problems
with a temper or some kind of revenge on others who dare
to tell him what to do when he is older. I know no one wants
that in a child.
Being firm but fair is what children need in their lives and not
the good cop and bad cop which often happens in families.
Fingers crossed a little moving together as a couple can put
the lad on the right path to be a great kid and a great adult. x

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

Wise words indeed imo. The OP would do well to heed them.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

Some wise words in these posts. Children must have set boundaries, they must learn what is acceptable and what isn´t. I definitely agree that the parents need to discuss this together and pull together. I agree with Alan that the parents word is law when it comes to young children. If a child is told "no" by dad and runs to mum who says "yes", then you are heading for some serious problems in the future.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

I must agree with everything that has been said. I worked with children in care and this is definitely behaviour that needs to be discussed with a professional. Parents need to be a united force of that I am sure. Children need and go wild if there are no boundaries. This child is displaying behaviours that seem to me like a child who has issues with men. However I think a professional to deal with this problem which will grow with the boy is the answer.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

That sounds just like myself and my son when he was young . He questioned everything and we discussed and explored all aspects of things and I am so glad we did.
I didn't want a 'you will do this because I say so ' child, I wanted an intelligent independent thinker and that is exactly what I got.

I am so proud of the man he has become a successful independent entrepreneur who didn't have all his opinions quashed when he was a child.
He now has three children of his own and they too question things and are given answers.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

I have to disagree Alan you set boundaries with an 8 year old child but you say why you are doing so and not just because 'I say so' and that can involve arguing your point.

If a child thinks you are being unjust you are setting yourself up for rebellion.

I brought up my son alone, we had major arguments both putting forward our views and arguing them but he never disobeyed me or rebelled and he could so easily have done.

For me bringing up children is all about having mutual respect for each other it is not about having a dictatorship.

I lived under a directorship with my stepmother and believe me it creates anger and rebellion.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

You can have mutual respect and a child who questions but still have discipline and obedience when needed. For us there are times for questions and times when our word is law. You just have to be consistent and both parents singing from the same sheet.

We had a discussion this morning about TV watching, and it was fine, we had a foot down absolute law moment too about clothes. As long as the child understands we are together and running from Nanny to Granddad won't get a different answer it works.

We are not talking about tyrants or dictatorships, it's about rules and letting a child know even as an adult they will need to learn to follow rules and laws even if they can question other things.

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

How can they learn what is exceptable unless they are told what and why .

They also need to discuss it with the child , that way everyone knows what they are doing .

Re: JEALOUSY within the family

That depends on the child and the thing being discussed sometimes it is not appropriate to include the child in the decision or even to tell them why.