Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

I’m a very emotional & expressive person however I have yet to learn how to express anger in an appropriate manner.

My parents didn’t express anger well and were and still are explosive in expressing it. My husband of 30 years is explosive and expresses anger very inappropriately also.

I’ve never learned to do it correctly and could really use some valuable tips please.

I am seeking counselling so am not solely relying on online sources.

Thank you.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

We are all so different Bratti, so we will handle situations differently too.

What works for one may not be suitable at all for someone else.

If you are already having counselling, I would let them do their work as they are meeting you face to face and know about your problems better.

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

Best tip is learn to shoot straight and if buying an axe then spend a little more and get a non slip handle

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

Anger turns to tears Bratti.
I have in the past, stood under a railway bridge and screamed, that helped.

The main problem with feeling angry with something, is we often vent that frustration on the very people we are close to.

Keep a diary, and write down how you have dealt with such situations in the past.
That way you will be able to decide what works best for you.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

I tend not to get angry, what's the point? It doesn't help any situation or solve anything.

My greatest motto in life since the mid-sixties is "Shit Happens". Once you accept that not everything in life is plain sailing and you can't do anything about many things you'll be a lot more laid back and happier as a consequence.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

Bratti if you are feeling angry put your coat on and go for a walk and do some slow steady breathing exercises .
That will give your adrenaline levels chance to diminish.

Constantly getting angry and stressed about things causes you to have raised hormone levels way above that which is required for our normal fight or flight response. It has been found that these raised hormone levels cause inflammation and that is bad news for our hearts.

So learn to be calm and pick only the important battles to fight then go into battle with a calm quietly confident approach.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

As I said, we are all different, though I agree with your words too Judd.

Some people respond well to doing something very physical and tiring to get it out their system. Dig the garden, go for a hike, go to the gym, anything that is physical.

Others respond to the opposite, and sit quietly, perhaps learn to meditate to still the mind, and go within to feel calmer. Or go to somewhere you feel has soothing surroundings - out in nature, even a church maybe?

It is whatever suits YOU that will work, not what suits us.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

Hi

I understand where you are coming from, but anger is not a resolution.

Years in Enforcement has taught me that.

Anger is destructive, and it destroys you first.

It results in irrational behaviour and makes your own life so difficult to cope with and that irrationality causes you to lash out at all and sundry, including your nearest and dearest, who suffer the most.

Don't get mad, get even, don't get even, get ahead.

I am a Dad, I take that very seriously, my job is to protect my kids.

It was the nature of my job to protect others as well.

There is nothing more tempting when you get a paedophile to kick them from here to kingdom come.

You have to be rational about it, do not give them an inch and make sure they do not get off.

If you did that, you put others at risk.

If we catch them abroad, in the act, different rules apply, they are gone.

If we catch them here, and they do not put up any resistance , the law of the land applies.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

You have to identify your triggers and then question them. They will all have roots in your childhood where you felt out of control, particularly if your parents had a turbulent relationship where your needs had second place to their feelings. May be worth keeping a diary of your reactions and then try to link that to an event in the past where you felt the same way.

The counselling should help if you have a good psychologist. But acceptance of past hurts is hard work. Good luck with the process.

Re: Help Dealing with Anger in an Appropriate Manner

It's really something that is hard-wired into you, to varying degrees, and exacerbated by childhood influences and upbringing. You just have to keep a lid on things and not see every situation and response made to you as a personal challenge.

I was lucky and have a very easy-going temperament, plus I saw so much crap through my childhood I knew losing your temper was counter-productive. My ex-wife still tells people she only saw me lose my temper twice in 18 years of marriage and even the second time, when she destroyed the marriage, I didn't explode because the kids were there.