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Primus1
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York
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08-05-2019, 10:19 PM
501

Re: Let's have a laugh

My wife wants me to have sex with her on the bonnet of her Honda Civic,
But if I’m going to have sex like that, it’ll be on my own accord....
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09-05-2019, 05:17 PM
502

Re: Let's have a laugh

First the doctor told me the good news -

I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Richmond
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09-05-2019, 05:38 PM
503

Re: Let's have a laugh

Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ….. mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissingwill take you
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
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JBR
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09-05-2019, 07:30 PM
504

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ….. mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissingwill take you
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
Brilliant, and absolutely true.

And A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 122%

Which might suggest that arse-kissing in this country will get you even higher than in America!
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Richmond
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09-05-2019, 09:27 PM
505

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by JBR ->
Brilliant, and absolutely true.

And A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 122%

Which might suggest that arse-kissing in this country will get you even higher than in America!
Yes - I thought it was quite clever when I received it -- wonder how long it took the creator of those lines to develop the concept!!
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Primus1
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09-05-2019, 10:21 PM
506

Re: Let's have a laugh

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, "Are these all your kids?" The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".
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Mr Ploppy
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Perth Western Australia, 3rd house on the right
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Posts: 8,791
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10-05-2019, 07:47 AM
507

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Yes - I thought it was quite clever when I received it -- wonder how long it took the creator of those lines to develop the concept!!
Yes, very clever. It sort of makes one want to play around with letters and numbers.

I tried that word which starts with 'F' and
ends in 'uck'

Only makes it to 94%, 'Firetruck'.
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Richmond
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10-05-2019, 05:03 PM
508

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, "Are these all your kids?" The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".
Good response! LOL
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Richmond
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Posts: 1,351
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10-05-2019, 05:05 PM
509

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy ->
Yes, very clever. It sort of makes one want to play around with letters and numbers.

I tried that word which starts with 'F' and
ends in 'uck'

Only makes it to 94%, 'Firetruck'.
Creative thinking there!!
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Longdogs
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10-05-2019, 06:16 PM
510

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by big ben ->
A corny one
Murphy said to O'Brien. "Why do Scuba divers go backwards into the water off a boat?"
O'Brien said "Well if he went forwards he would end up flat on his face in the bottom of the boat"
 
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