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11-01-2018, 09:34 AM
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Guests are like fish - radio 4

Recently been listening to a radio programme on visiting guests hence the above heading . I'm about to listen to episode 4 , a couple who live in a country house and the friends who come to visit . So far each visit has been difficult . This got me thinking about friends who've stayed with me over the years ....

A visit from previous neighbours

I moved from Cornwall with my children having lived there for 6 yrs , settled in Hereford and had a phone call from neighbour asking could they stay for 3 nights , of course I said brightly ( I hadn't learnt to say no in those naive days ) she hubby and two children arrived and all started well until he took off his shoes and informed us he had a foot odour problem , it was awful , never in my life had I smelt such bad feet , this was the beginning of 4 days of a nightmare . They never offered a penny towards food, she said she didn't peel potatoes when I asked for help in food prep and they wanted take aways each night yet never offered to pay towards ours which we felt obliged to buy for the sake of our children who thought Christmas had arrived . She rowed with husband and they drank each night . When they left I had to scrub my carpets as the smell from his feet had impregnated into the fibres . I never answered the phone to her again .

So , do you have a visiting guest story that has stayed imprinted on your mind ever since .

P.S. I did have to ask my brother about the title not quite understanding what it meant , he explained to me that after 3 days guests start to smell like fish ...........
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11-01-2018, 10:25 AM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

They sound like the guests from hell, Susan. I am glad to say I have never experienced anything similar.

I was brought up in house where people (including us children) had to have an appointment to see the parents. Because of that I have always had an 'Open Door' policy where my friends are concerned. They all know they can just appear and that they will be fed, listened to, given a bed for the night - whatever they need. So far no-one has ever abused the privilege - though it can be hilarious if they all arrive at once!
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11-01-2018, 11:25 AM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

Susan, Your story reminds me of probably the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. I’m afraid, my ‘guest’ was more of a visitor really!

In the mid 1990’s, l took my dog down the fields for a run. A woman came gushing towards me and fussed my dog. She said she was sad because her dog was in quarantine in Belgium. Her husband was still working there but they’d bought a house in the village where she was now living.

She asked, if l’d like to see her house and have a drink. As she seemed very lonely, l said, ‘Yes’.
She told me she originated from Glasgow and she knew lots of the gangster types there! She reeled off stories about them.

Then, she said, ‘Will you and your family come for dinner on Sunday?’ My husband will be here, he’s very handsome but l’m scared someone will steal him off me’.

The time was passing and l said, l must get home as my family would be worrying about where l was. She grabbed my arm and said, ‘You’ll always be my friend, won’t you?’ ‘Yes ok’, l answered.
Then she she linked my arm and insisted on walking home with me and my dog.

When we got to my house, she ran to my two youngest daughters and was cuddling them. My husband, was engrossed, watching the rugby on television!
l said, ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘Yes Please, can l have Bacardi and coke.

I went to the kitchen and got her the drink.... Well, as l entered the room, l couldn’t believe my eyes. She was kneeling on the floor massaging my husband’s feet and kissing them!

He was oblivious to her as nothing would take his concentration away from the rugby!

After that, it was very awkward and she drank her drink and left.
I did see her a few days later and said, ‘Hello’ but she didn’t seem to recognise me!
I think she had a drink problem!
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11-01-2018, 11:32 AM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

The thread title I had never heard before, but a few years ago one of our German neighbours said that guests were like fish, after three days they started to smell. It isn't a phrase I had ever heard before and even since I have only ever heard Silvia (the German neighbour) use it.

We too, like ST, have a very open house, there is only one person we discourage from visiting, quite frankly by any means possible. The reason being, that although this person is good hearted and always offers to contribute, she is the most destructive person you can imagine, unintentionally of course. Wardrobe doors come off their runners, shower doors get bent, anything with a door gets slammed, things get broken. When out shop displays get knocked over, items on restaurant tables get knocked onto the floor, she really is a catalogue of disasters, a true home wrecker.

Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about making excuses why she can't come for a week, or two, but quite honestly I can't, or don't want to, cope with her, she really is hard work and to say she stresses me out is an understatement.

Fortunately the majority of guests who come here are no problem at all, well apart from my son and family, they literally take over the house with an assortment of baby gear. This year it will be toddler gear, but it's not really a problem, I just don't bother cleaning up much for a couple of weeks. My son and daughter in law are good though, my son does most of the cooking, and cleans up after himself, my daughter in law deals with the laundry and other things. We just put up with a messy and noisy house for a couple of weeks.
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11-01-2018, 11:32 AM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

Seriously weird, Artangel !
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11-01-2018, 01:10 PM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

Replies making me smile , so looking forward to hearing more .

Friend told me of a guest who stayed for the weekend

He'd been before as he was a speaker in their church , this time he brought with him a young lady , he constantly asked for food and criticised if it wasn't the best quality products , went off for afternoon naps with his young lady , then in the evening asked for a drink requesting whisky , luckily friend did have a bottle as it was near Christmas time , the evening went on and friend said she was so tired she needed her bed and left the guests watching TV . The next morning she got up and on the table was the empty whisky bottle and what was left of cheese and biscuits and various nibbles he'd helped himself to .

When he officiated at the church again she never offered her home , it cost a fortune in food and drink
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11-01-2018, 07:43 PM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

Sorry but I haven't got a bad guest story but I just wanted to say I listened to the 4 programs Guests are like fish on iPlayer the other evening and thought they were very funny. Well worth a listen.
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11-01-2018, 08:47 PM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

It’s a shame Basil Fawlty isn’t a member on here as he’d have a few ‘guest’ stories to tell!!
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11-01-2018, 09:53 PM
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Re: Guests are like fish - radio 4

Oh I do hope there will be some more posted .

M C , glad you enjoyed the radio programme .

I do have a lovely pal Sue who comes to stay a few times a year but she is the ideal guest as she just makes herself at home , when she leaves she cleans everywhere and my house is spotless because she's got OCD which for me is great . I love her coming to stay
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