Re: Rehab Productions Presents...An Adventure.
Scene 4 Decorating a Spitfire in one hour. The ultimate in reality makeovers
The old team discusses tactics. RAF Bigone Hill has been equipped with the new Mark XXXX Spitfire, an aircraft superior in every way to anything the enemy can offer. The Spitfire is powered by a specially developed Sunbeam Alpine (series IV ) engine and is very fast and wonderfully unstable in the air. It is armed with twin Gravy - Browning cannon that can deliver shells the size of milk bottles at a rate of 4000 rounds a second. The Spitfire should be unstoppable in the hands of competent aircrew but the problem as always, is the pilots' flying experience.
'I've checked the Squadron out, Skip,' says Sweetiepie Billabong, 'Mostly they're under 12 years old and not a person - jack of them has more than half an hours time on fighters. Very keen though.' It is obvious to Longdogs that training for the whole outfit must start immediately if not sooner for he and the team have faced this kind of difficulty before. 'OK chapettes,' says Longdogs grimly, 'Let's do it.' In the distance can be heard the sounds of the RAF band (On tour now doing Michael Jackson tributes) playing a lively tune, when suddenly across the tarmac Wing Commander 'shortfall’ Judd DFC DSO VD and Scar WC and Chain waltzes past, His body joined at the groin to a somewhat attractive stranger, but who bore a striking resemblance to one of the Polish pilots. (Female...not Tom Daley) The cast of thousands and an ice cream girl cheer loudly.
Training begins at first light the next morning with a pep talk from Longdog , 'Right, Air-Persons,' he says, 'Sweetiepie , and I are going to teach you everything we know about flying. Some of you will find it hard but we know you can do it. You wouldn't be here if you were Duffers and you'll win through if you remember two important things - always keep a spotlessly clean cockpit and never ever fly without your lucky mascot.'
Longdog waves his own lucky spoon at the assembled crowd for emphasis. The squadron and a shedful of spare Admirals on loan (this is the cast of thousands previously mentioned) are inspired. “Hoorah! Hoorah” They shout. (Well you would, wouldn’t you?)
True to Longdogs word, the training is hard. After a theoretical introduction to the capabilities of the Spitfire, each pilot goes off to choose their mascots and to scrub out the cockpits of their aircraft. Cosmos, Sweetiepie and Longdogs watch approvingly as the apprentices aces grow in confidence, minute by minute.
More theory follows - air strategy (ours and theirs), air tactics (ours only because we're self-evidently superior), enemy aircraft recognition, Air Ministry Approved British Pilot Talk (on and off duty versions) and the all important lecture by Longdogs* on Designer Approaches to Aircraft Customising.* The squadron is tired and happy, but each pilot is ready to fly.
*Longdogs aircraft is tastefully decorated with pale lilac interiors, matching chintz curtains and seat cover, a small stuffed St.Christopher (?) hanging on the rear view mirror, and the number 69 on the tail
End of part 4(also available on dvd in the foyer now)
in Scene 5
Rhian, Morty and Mups Party on down...before the Big Push