A Few Quickies.

A dwarf with a speech impediment goes to visit a horse dealer.
I'd like to buy a nithe horth.
dealer shows him a grey mare.
I'd like to thee her teeth says the dwarf.
The dealer opens the horses mouth and shows him her teeth.
I'd like to see her eythes the dwarf says.
the dealer shows him her eyes.
finally I'd like to see her twot says the dwarf.
The dealer, becoming exasperated, picks up the dwarf, lifts the horses tail and shoves his head up the horses fanny.
Gasping and spluttering the dwarf says, "perhaps I should rephrase that. I'd like to see her run around a bit".
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When granddad was ill, grandma smeared butter on his back and on his bum cheeks.
He went downhill rapidly after that.

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I bought the wife a bag and a belt for Xmas.
She wasn't as happy as I thought she'd be.
Ah well, never mind, the hoover is picking up great now.

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I let rip a right fart on the bus on the way home.
The four people in front of me all turned round slack jawed.
It was just like being on The Voice.

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I am getting obsessed by the nurse who visits my pregnant neighbour each day.
I don't know if it's the uniform or her I fancy.
Could I be going through a midwife crisis?

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Bloke went to see his doctor and told him he'd hurt his penis in a surfing incident.
"Did you fall off your surfboard" ? asked the doc.
No said bloke, I closed my laptop on it when the wife walked in.

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Thought my new girlfriend could be "The One" when she invited me in for a nightcap.
when we went upstairs I peeked in her wardrobe, and saw, a police womans uniform, a nurses uniform and a French maids outfit.
That's when I decided, if she can't hold down a job she's not for me.

Re: A Few Quickies.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha