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effingpot
Senior Member
effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
effingpot is male  effingpot has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
26-02-2019, 04:16 PM
1

Mental Health Hotline

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship in orbit around the Earth.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the voice’s will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
Sweetie pie
Chatterbox
Sweetie pie is offline
Dorset
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 27,450
Sweetie pie is female  Sweetie pie has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
26-02-2019, 04:20 PM
2

Re: Mental Health Hotline

 

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