Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

There are a lot of interesting graveyards all over these fair isles Spitty, one could spend all day reading the headstones, so many people died when they were young back then.

Yes the old liver can get some whacking, especially from some of those celebs, bad enough with the gargle without adding the drugs cocktails, that really stretches it to the limit.
Moderation is your only man when looking after the liver.

It amazes me that Bill Wyman (83) and Kieth Richards (76) survived through all that liver abuse, well done the pair of them, poor Georgie Best just couldn’t pack it in, he was de-livered and got a new one but still carried on drinking and he paid the ultimate price in the end, God rest him.

Talking about delivered, after the last world war the national maternity hospital here had an epidemic of childbirths, the place was jam packed with customers.
Dubliners christened the hospital “The Dick Turpin”, because there were no beds available and the women had to stand and deliver. Boom boom!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Nice one., in them days, that was why there were so many "Dropouts".

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Dropouts indeed, the young folks lost the run of themselves back in the 50's, my old Granny used to blame it all on rock and roll.

Sorry about bringing up this civid-19 thing again when we’re all cheesed off with it, but lets face it it’s literally all over the place and there’s no getting away from it, but this question has to be asked sooner or later in the interest of public health.

Can you catch civid-19 from a fart?

That thought had entered my mind months ago but I was too polite to ask.

Seems you can according to this piece I found when I googled the question.

“An*April 11 article from the British tabloid Daily Star titled "Coronavirus 'could be spreading across the globe through farts' claim doctors"*had 4,700 shares on Facebook as of Wednesday afternoon.*
"Doctors have made the foul discovery that farting could spread the Covid-19 disease – unless infected people wear pants which can protect this from happening,"*the article's secondary headline reads.*
The story cites*an April 6*Twitter thread by*Australian doctor Andy Tagg. It includes*references to multiple studies based on observations in China. One, from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's Emerging Infectious Diseases journal, describes how the virus was*detected in the fecal matter of an asymptomatic child up to 17 days after exposure."

So beware of any wayward winds.
If it’s true, I’m just wondering where could I buy me an arse mask, and where would I hang the ear strings?

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I always suspected this method of transmission, stools without wind are ridiculous.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

You make me laugh Jem, your brain must work overtime!

Frank Ifield used to be my idol in my younger days but now The Wayward Wind has a totally different meaning to me!

You certainly bring some humour to the forum in these worrying times!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Thanks Mags.
Phyllis was a great fan of Frank Ifield too, we went to see him in cabaret here in the early seventies, there he was crooning around the tables with the mike in hand, he stopped at our table and he kissed her hand, it was like a million quid to her, she never stopped yapping about it for months afterwards. groan.

I had to laugh out loud in bed last night when listening to the audio book “Ring for Jeeves” by P.G. Wodehouse, read by Martin Jarvis who’s one of the finest readers around the audio book circuit.
(if you like the Wodehouse humour the audio books are all on youtube)
What a literary genius that Wodehouse chap was.

I find the unabridged books are far better and more enjoyable than the visual Jeeves and Wooster, there’s a lot of good stuff left out in the TV series, besides my eyes are not as good as they used to be and it’s nice to have them read for you by an expert reader.
By the way, if you like the Agatha Christie books then Hugh Frazer (Hastings in the Poirot series) is your only man to read them, far better than David Suchet (Poirot himself) in my opinion.

Anyway getting back to what made me laugh.
Bertie Wooster is talking to his ‘man’ Jeeves about a posh friend of his who has just bought a country house in Derbyshire.

“Beautiful house Jeeves, old but with all the modern conveniences, wonderful scenery and smiling meadows, but prone to slight flooding, that’s why he got it so cheaply.
In the Summer months they have the river at the bottom of the garden, and in the Winter months the garden is at the bottom of the river.”

I knew a fella who bought a house like that here in the midlands, had a terrible time trying to get a buyer for it.. True.



Most men I know/knew used to enjoy those beauty contests they had on TV years ago. What red blooded male wouldn’t admire female beauty, where’s the harm in that I ask you.
They stopped screening them for some reason, don’t know why because they always attracted a huge audience, the girls never spoke much, they didn’t have to, as any good auditor would say, “the figures speak for themselves,”

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Different spreadsheet in them days.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I thought accountancy was all straight forward stuff once one got the hang of it, same as with a chambermaid, once you’ve spread one sheet then you’ve spread them all.
Unless of course one is three sheets in the wind, then you’ll be spreading sheets all over the place.

I was never good with figures, and trying to grasp that algebra testicology nearly caused me my sanity as a boy, but I suppose numbers, just like time, are essential to keep things in perspective, some are genius’s with figures while others are hopeless like myself.

Although I’m over 60 years in the jewellery trade I still couldn’t tell you the melting point of gold, silver, or platinum, sure enough I learned it as an apprentice but it doesn’t come into me reckoning when i’m melting, I know from all the years of doing it when it’s ready for pouring, platinum has a very high melting point because it takes longer to melt, silver melts fairly quickly, the lower the caret of gold the longer it takes to melt, then simple figureless logic takes over and I tip it into the mould when it’s just right, get it wrong and the mould is ruined.

They’ve been confusing us with fahrenheit celsius and centigrade for years now and getting away with it, bad enough us having to go through three monetary changes in one lifetime (LSD, decimalisation, and then the Euro) without messing with the temperatures, it’s enough to make one’s blood boil, what’s the temperature of boiling blood by the way?

We get a lot of people coming here from all over the World these days and when they first come they are medically checked out, when they have their temperature taken the nurse will write it down on the official form, in order to save space on the form the temperature is added to the age and height of the person, so it will look like this on the form.

Abdul Macdom, age 34, 95 degrees foreign height.

When the examination is finished, the medical team step back, clap, and sing in harmony
“For he’s a jolly good fellow, and CELSI all of US”

Now here’s an old number I’ve always liked, Dusty Springfield before she went solo, her real name is Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien, her parents came from Kerry, one the fairest counties in the land.

I just remembered my great Uncle Dave used to keep a vintage American rifle in his attic, it was an old Dusty Springfield.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Just a few words in praise of old girls everywhere.

When it comes down to brass tacks nearly every girl today wants to live to see grannihood, they hope to live a long life and be well into their 90’s when they finally go, they listen to all the experts and take precautions like giving up smoking and drinking, late nights and general messing around.
Some even go to gyms and sweat like politicians at election time, all to ensure they live a long life, and good luck to them all.

In my day most of the girls smoked and took a drink, went to weekend parties and didn’t get to bed (that depends on how one looks at that ) until the wee hours of the morning.
They worked hard in factories (well in my area they did) and looked forward to the weekend when they ‘Let their hair down’ as they used to say. Gyms were for boxers and the dance halls kept their bodies slim and nimble.

Strangely enough most of those girls I knew then are still alive and kicking, they enjoyed being young girls, made many happy memories, and are now enjoying being grannies and great grannies. they had their cake and ate it, so to speak, and we all want that don’t we, you have to be tough inside and take risks when you’re young to survive and enjoy being old, I raise my glass to tough old birds everywhere, except turkeys of course, nobody likes tough turkey.


So get out there on the floor and shake a leg or two girls.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Just some wild thoughts, and maybe some light relief.

You know how our breaths turn into a visible vapour in winter and on very cold days?
Well this should be very helpful to us all now with this invisible virus, it would allow us to see the direction of the other persons breath and therefore avoid it more effectively, same as if you see an annoying relative approaching, you can cross the street.
The very fact that we can’t see this little bugger is the cause of it spreading so widely and
quickly.

Perhaps some technical whizz kid could come up with a neat little gadget that would make our breaths visible all year round, shouldn’t be impossible to do in this day and age, and it could be very rewarding financially.
While we all await a safe vaccine some weird thinking is badly needed now as nothing they have come up with so far seems to be working.

How about this for weird.
Everyone who has to go outside takes a mouthful of Helium gas, this will ensure that when the vapour containing the droplets exit the body they will have no option but to travel upwards all the time, like a Helium filled balloon, sending the virus to Mars or whereever, probably came from Mars in the first place, who knows.

An retired old explorer from Galway was telling me many years ago (did you know that old explorers never die, they just keep rambling on) about a particular Amazon tribe being struck down by a mysterious disease.
It was rapidly wiping them all out until one of them discovered the virus thrived on eating flesh.
He came up with the weird idea of cutting off two small round bits of flesh from his raw snake meat, he pierced holes in them in order to let air through and stuffed the bits up his nostrils, he changed the bits every two days for two weeks, he got everyone else to do the same, it worked and saved the rest of the tribe.
He became the hero of his tribe and they made him King for life.

What actually happened was when the little virus buggers entered the nasal passage they couldn’t believe their luck, they were surrounded by their favourite food immediately, delighted with themselves they merrily tucked in, result was the greedy gits gorged themselves to death before they could enter the human body proper and their bloated remains imbedded in the meat deterred their families and friends from attempting entry.

Greed was their downfall in the end, as will be mankind’s, or so de holy bible say.