Premature

A man goes to the doctors suffering from premature ejaculation, the doctor says " as you are nearing the moment, try and startle yourself," on the way home the man buys a starting pistol, the next day he's back at the doctors, " how'd it go," asks the doctor, the man replies " not good, we found ourselves in the 69 position, when my problem was about to show itself, so I fires the pistol, my wife pooped on my face and bit 3 inches off my penis, and the next door neighbour came out of the wardrobe with his hands in the air".