04-07-2019, 12:33 PM
1
Are You An Interfering Grandparent Or Relative?
I have decided l must be!My son who lives in Australia sent me a video of his baby daughter who is almost one year old.
It was a video of him giving her a slice of lemon to chew on. She made no grimace at the sourness of the lemon. She did wipe her mouth and then wiped her eye.
On seeing this video, l became quite alarmed that he had even given her a slice of lemon. I sent him a message telling him off! I said, it was cruel and how would he like it if l had given him a cup of acid to drink when he was a baby.
He said, l had overreacted! I then googled, ‘giving lemons to babies’.
Well, you live and learn! I was surprised at what l read... it seems giving a baby a slice of lemon for teething is good and it helps their gums.
I had never known such a thing, it was different in my days of ‘mothering’!
I then sent a message apologising saying, l probably care too much.
I bet they’re glad they live thousands of miles away from me!
So l ask, are you an interfering grandparent or relative?
04-07-2019, 12:54 PM
2
Re: Are You An Interfering Grandparent Or Relative?
I'm not an interfering Grandmother (or Mother for that matter). I had enough outside interference when my sons were growing up to last a lifetime and I vowed that I would never do that. If asked for advice I respond but for the remainder of the time I keep quiet and have sometimes had to bite my tongue very hard in doing so!An interesting observation I have made though is that children who visit the NT property, at which I volunteer as a room guide, are often better behaved when with their Grandparents than with their parents ... !!
04-07-2019, 01:39 PM
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Re: Are You An Interfering Grandparent Or Relative?
I learnt 13 years ago that I had to button my lip. My daughter talks to me as though I never had children and I know nothing and things are different today , so I was and am shut out other than seeing my beautiful grandchildren maybe once a month or more if I'm on a lucky day . Even when daughter was struggling to breast feed , baby was hungry and constantly crying for milk I begged my daughter to give some bottle milk, half and half , no, she said , the midwife told me to persevere , eventually after weeks of no sleep , screaming baby , I arrived with ready made new baby milk and a sterilised bottle , baby suckled it all and slept for 4 hours , but then what do I know after all I only had two children !Mouth firmly zipped shut
04-07-2019, 01:43 PM
7
Re: Are You An Interfering Grandparent Or Relative?
Originally Posted by MargaretF
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I'm not an interfering Grandmother (or Mother for that matter). I had enough outside interference when my sons were growing up to last a lifetime and I vowed that I would never do that. If asked for advice I respond but for the remainder of the time I keep quiet and have sometimes had to bite my tongue very hard in doing so!An interesting observation I have made though is that children who visit the NT property, at which I volunteer as a room guide, are often better behaved when with their Grandparents than with their parents ... !!
Ditto MargaretF. after seeing how all of my brothers' in-laws were always sticking their oar in one way or another, and how it often led to disagreement and bad feeling, I vowed that the same would not happen with my gorillas.
Talk about having to be all things to everybody though. When one of the gorilla's criticised either their wife, fiancee, long-term girlfriend or any of their parents (all local), and fully expected me and their dad to take their side, no way! all it would have taken was one of them to say "and Mum agrees with me" to cause a long-term rift. I was having none of that! I always answered the same. "this is something only the two of you can sort out yourselves".
It was the same with the six female partners. If one said something unkind or snidey about another, I kept my lips sealed tightly, I knew full well that she expected me to agree with her unkind remarks. I'm too canny to fall for that lot. I knew full well that had I ever agreed with any of them when they were confiding in me, it would, without fail, bounce back to hit ME in the face. I knew it would make her feel better in that moment if I agreed with her moaning about another, but the problem would undoubtedly come back on my head when they as they always did, eventually make up again. It would then be a discussion about me, how I took her side, how I agreed how right she was.
Nooooooo thank you. The females run the home and husband/partner. Female partners come first with my gorillas, the girls parents come next with the girls (no way can I compete with their mums) then come their in-laws - us. And if anyone can be jettisoned over a row or disagreement, it's unfortunately the in-laws!
Hence, this clever lady has always kept her mouth firmly shut with no bias at all. They thankfully all know that now after all these years to not involve me if any of them have a silly spat over something. It always works out and they are the best of friends again within a few weeks.
And I am still the first place of call.
04-07-2019, 04:18 PM
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Re: Are You An Interfering Grandparent Or Relative?
Sadly I don't have any grandchildren.I have one son and I do and say all I can to make him understand things. He thinks I know nothing about life and that he is right in everything. I see him making mistake after mistake and I can't keep quiet. He is very pig headed and will only do what he wants to do even if that is the wrong thing.
He chooses many times to not take my advice and that is so frustrating for me as a mother.
My son is an adult with ADHD and it is horrible for us as parents and him. I feel very sorry that he isn't in touch with reality a lot of the time so I will keep on trying to show him the right path even if he thinks I am interfering.
He has other mental issues and it really can't be nice to be him, I feel so sad for him.
I.ll never give up trying to teach him but sometimes it feels like I m flogging a dead horse.
04-07-2019, 08:34 PM
10
Re: Are You An Interfering Grandparent Or Relative?
Of course you do LQ it's must be so painful for you .The problem is with children even if they are grown up they hold your heart in their hands .
I do not interfere with my grandchildren .
I don't like the way they are being brought up but what can I do my sons married these women who are their mothers .
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