Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I am able to handle my fair share of shite Spitty, indeed I have had to many a time, and it does come from every direction when you least expect it whether you be right or wrong, best to be always on your guard and carry a few spare Jacks rolls in you backpack/car/saddlebag.
In the meantime here's a few tips from Mars Barr to help one unblock, so to speak.

Always use the finest toilet roll whatever you do
Or you could end up blocking the loo
Be careful with the plunger and don’t make a boob
You could end up with a fractured U-tube
Unscrew the bolt at the back of the bowl
And poke in all out with a wooden dowel
Take it easy and don’t make a din
Use an big bucket or an old plastic bin
Be careful you don’t let it overflow
Cos over you nice shoes it will all go.

When it’s done you’ll feel dirty and shoddy
So take all the clothes offa your body
A little TCP in the shower gel
Kills the bugs as well as the smell
Now it’s clear and shiny, every little bit
Until it’s blocked again by another great shit.
But let's get it straight about this issue
We should not always blame it on the toilet tissue
The wife is clever, no excuse will escape her
She always blames it on the toilet paper.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

....or on the other hand,
spend a shilling or two;
and call in the plumber
t'fix that shit for you!!!!


[Ai thenkyoh]

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

And ai thenk yoh too.
The good Lady Philomena does not trust Plumbers Pug, she don’t like anyone messin with her pipes and tubes, anyone but me that is, besides Plumbers drive her round the bend always trying to cut corners they are.
Her brother was a Plumber and I remember one year we all went to the Plumbers ball in the Mansion House here (Where the Lord Mayor of Dublin resides), such a swell affair it was too, there was truffles and champagne, caviar and oysters, and a full 28 piece orchestra, Lady Philomena danced with the Lord Mayor himself, he used to be a Plumber before he went into politics. Half way through the night I was extremely pissed off hearing about baths, sinks, ballcocks, and pipes so I went out to the jacks and was pleased to see someone had dislodged a pipe at the urinal, the water was everywhere and I came out and yelled “Leak!” About 40 Plumbers in full dress suits rushed in to fix it, talk about too many cooks spoiling the broth, they were on top of one another, great fun that was.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Yes, too many Cooks spoil the Broth, but, too many plumbers get Bogged Down.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Now,THERE's a proper coincidence,Jem! Because my first foray into the world of carnal delight,was at the age of thirteen,with my very good friend Philomena,in a barn filled with straw bales. I've tootled & pootled all around this world,but I've never ever met another Philomena,and I haven't seen 'my' Philomena since those days-then you pop one with one of yer own!. The net just keeps on surprising...

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

So you fell a Philomena as a young lad Pug, good for you, my Phyllis is great most of the time but she’s tough, when she gets bossy I call her Phyllis stein, Sister of Frankenstein.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Yes,I certainly did Jem. I fell a LOT further than I realised...because sat here now,50+ years later,I can recall with pinpoint pico-accuracy,her smile,her long wavy hair,her giggle....and her red-'n'-white checked undies. Plus her cuddles...ohhh,her man-trapping cuddles. [I WAS 13!!! {so was she}]
I've thought of Philomena more times than I've taken a breat,though I've never felt the need to find her.
To my last day,I'll love her in a way only I can understand. I don't need to ever see her again,I won't join Farcebook or Tinder [that's a cert!] hoping to find her. I'm not on-and I'm staying off-those bloody awful dating sites...but Philomena,awww,I can recall her SO well-and always smile when I do.

AWAY wit' you Oirish and yer Feinian ways of trappinginginging a fella's soul!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Geezers always seem to repent loves lost, Birds don't seem to give a shit.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Oh,you SOPPY,foolish old romantic,spitty.
I'd guess that pain is still a thorn,eh mate? We've all been there,bruv.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Strangely enough folks nearly all the old lads that I have a pint with have a deep affection for some girl from their early youth, they all have a tale to tell about the one that got away. Women on the other hand seem to be able to dismiss boys from their early past, tougher hearts I suppose, most men are sentimental old softies underneath it all.