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effingpot
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Hampshire, UK
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10-06-2019, 12:52 PM
1

One liners and short jokes!

Following the comments on long and contrived jokes how about a section for short ones? Like 2 lines or less if possible

I'll kick things off with some light bulb jokes.

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to hold the breasts, I mean ladder

​Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change it, one not to change it

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled “coping with darkness”.

Q: How many thriller writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two – one gets it almost all the way in, then the other comes along and applies a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb in another divorced man’s house?
A: Yeah, like he gets the house!

Q: How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fish.

Q: How many Matrix fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: There is no lightbulb…

Q: How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, 1 to change the light bulb, the other 9 to congratulate him down the pub.

Q: How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 101, 1 to hold the bulb, the other 100 to push the house around!

Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say “here’s one we did earlier”

Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?

Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32…….

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, you know.

Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: What ? Go all the way up there and come back empty ? You must be jokin’ mate!

Q: How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Just One! They are efficient and don’t have a sense of humour!

Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don’t make Pampers small enough.
keezoy
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10-06-2019, 01:14 PM
2

Re: One liners and short jokes!

The world's only two word joke......

Pretentious!?......moi?

(Courtesy of Fawlty Towers)
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Judd
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15-06-2019, 03:21 PM
3

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Jo Brand has been accused of throwing sodium chloride and sulphuric acid at Nigel Farage. She's being charged with salt and battery.
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effingpot
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Hampshire, UK
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07-08-2019, 12:10 PM
4

Re: One liners and short jokes!

I met my wife through the new Tesco dating service.
I got a bag for life!
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effingpot
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effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
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07-08-2019, 12:13 PM
5

Re: One liners and short jokes!

During the war, my Grandad survived pepper spray and mustard gas attacks.

He's considered a seasoned veteran!
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effingpot
Senior Member
effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
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15-08-2019, 02:29 PM
6

Re: One liners and short jokes!

In the Canary Islands there are no canaries.
Same in the Virgin Islands. No canaries there either! 😀
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APRICOT
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15-08-2019, 02:44 PM
7

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Originally Posted by effingpot ->
In the Canary Islands there are no canaries.
Same in the Virgin Islands. No canaries there either! 😀
lol,lol
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Right Now
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22-08-2019, 05:12 PM
8

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Originally Posted by effingpot ->
In the Canary Islands there are no canaries.
Same in the Virgin Islands. No canaries there either! 😀
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effingpot
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effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
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Posts: 105
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30-08-2019, 11:18 AM
9

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Someone stole my anti-depressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy!
effingpot's Avatar
effingpot
Senior Member
effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
effingpot is male  effingpot has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
30-08-2019, 11:20 AM
10

Re: One liners and short jokes!

What's a Tarka Dall? It's like any other Dall, just a little otter!
 
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