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Judd's Avatar
Judd
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Judd is offline
West Riding of Yorkshire
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 12,538
Judd is male  Judd has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
15-07-2021, 12:42 AM
2411

Re: Let's have a laugh

I went to the Dr's this morning.
"Have a look at this. I've got some kind of infection on my cock and it's weeping pus."
"Ooh... That does looks nasty."
"Been like it for a few days now... Anyway, enough of my woes. What can I do for you Mr. Smith?"
Longdogs's Avatar
Longdogs
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Longdogs is offline
SW England
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 43,957
Longdogs is male  Longdogs has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
15-07-2021, 04:37 PM
2412

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
I went to the Dr's this morning.
"Have a look at this. I've got some kind of infection on my cock and it's weeping pus."
"Ooh... That does looks nasty."
"Been like it for a few days now... Anyway, enough of my woes. What can I do for you Mr. Smith?"


Sounds like one of my old doctors few years back. I went in complaining of back pain and he just said, 'I've got a bloody back ache but you don't hear me complaining' (In a Yorkshire accent)

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Primus1
Senior Member
Primus1 is offline
York
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 4,648
Primus1 is male  Primus1 has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
15-07-2021, 06:49 PM
2413

Re: Let's have a laugh

Me and my mate were having a few drinks last night telling each other our best chat up lines...

Some of his were so good, I ended up back at his place
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
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Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-07-2021, 01:31 PM
2414

Re: Let's have a laugh

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at the Francis St traffic lights The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost quarter a million quid’ ‘That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' ‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?’ ‘No problem,' replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster! ‘What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my braces from your feckin side view mirror’ !
JBR's Avatar
JBR
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JBR is offline
Cheshire, UK
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 32,785
JBR is male  JBR has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-07-2021, 01:37 PM
2415

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
I went to the Dr's this morning.
"Have a look at this. I've got some kind of infection on my cock and it's weeping pus."
"Ooh... That does looks nasty."
"Been like it for a few days now... Anyway, enough of my woes. What can I do for you Mr. Smith?"
Longdogs's Avatar
Longdogs
Chatterbox
Longdogs is offline
SW England
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 43,957
Longdogs is male  Longdogs has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-07-2021, 03:11 PM
2416

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at the Francis St traffic lights The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost quarter a million quid’ ‘That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' ‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?’ ‘No problem,' replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster! ‘What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my braces from your feckin side view mirror’ !
effingpot's Avatar
effingpot
Senior Member
effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
effingpot is male  effingpot has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-07-2021, 06:07 PM
2417

Re: Let's have a laugh

Yep that'll do!

Judd's Avatar
Judd
Chatterbox
Judd is offline
West Riding of Yorkshire
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 12,538
Judd is male  Judd has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
16-07-2021, 06:25 PM
2418

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at the Francis St traffic lights The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost quarter a million quid’ ‘That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' ‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?’ ‘No problem,' replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster! ‘What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my braces from your feckin side view mirror’ !
Brilliant - you may consider that one nicked.
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
17-07-2021, 09:40 AM
2419

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by effingpot ->
yep that'll do!

lol!!!
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
17-07-2021, 09:43 AM
2420

Re: Let's have a laugh

You are welcome - Judd - enjoy sharing!
 
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