27-09-2018, 08:47 PM
1
Love
What makes us love someone.? Some people put up with Physical '/Mental abuse but still say they 'Love 'that person. Having had a loving family & a Happy marriage I find it hard to imagine staying with someone who abused me,so what is the attraction that makes someone do this?
27-09-2018, 09:04 PM
3
Re: Love
My beautiful, dear, beloved Sister who is no longer here was abused by her partner for over 30 years. I used to practically beg her to leave him, he squeezed every ounce of confidence she ever had out of her and often told her she was and ugly no mark and no one else would ever look at her or want her. Sadly she believed him. I despise him. She was weak willed and beaten. I think deep down she knew he didn't love her. This is a case where I hope Karma is real. RIP Julia x27-09-2018, 09:21 PM
5
Re: Love
Originally Posted by Lion Queen
->
My beautiful, dear, beloved Sister who is no longer here was abused by her partner for over 30 years. I used to practically beg her to leave him, he squeezed every ounce of confidence she ever had out of her and often told her she was and ugly no mark and no one else would ever look at her or want her. Sadly she believed him. I despise him. She was weak willed and beaten. I think deep down she knew he didn't love her. This is a case where I hope Karma is real. RIP Julia x
27-09-2018, 09:44 PM
6
Re: Love
Originally Posted by Silver Tabby
->
Why on earth did she stay, LQ, I would have walked the first time he hit me.
So, so sad, I miss her so much and its so painful not having her here with me but then I get to thinking she's with my mum in a better place away from that vile bar steward.
I adored my sister as she did me.
28-09-2018, 09:34 AM
9
Re: Love
Unfortunately this happens! For whatever reason, some people stay with people who abuse them and this doesn’t just happen with romantic relationships. It happened with platonic friendships also. There are people who stay with friends who abuse them.I think it’s a deep ingrained lack of security in themselves and perhaps they think that sense of ‘being needed’ is love.
These relationships thrive off of drama and attention seeking. They aren’t grounded in love but share the common bond of desperation.
The people that tend to abuse others are emotionally undeveloped. They have this believe that if someone hurts them or embarrasses them that they ‘have’ to hurt back.
They feel a sense of entitlement. They think they have a ‘right’ not to be hurt or embarrassed and will punish others if this sense of entitlement is violated.
They lack real empathy and accountability. Abuse happens in a world that thinks it’s ok to hurt others who have hurt us and they do it because they can.
Many abusive partners came from abusive families so it becomes a learned behaviour but this isn’t always the case either. Some people have a sense of entitlement because they were raised to feel extra special and/ or there’s mental health issues.
Some people feel if ‘they’ have a mental disorder that they aren’t responsible for their actions. They believe it’s other people’s responsibility to make sure they are kept grounded and feel secure at all times.
Many people with abusive personalities are narcissistic and may have anger or impulse control issues or substance abuse problems. Abusing others gives them a sense of power; a feeling that they are stronger and more deserving than others and they somehow thrive from this distinction making them feel more powerful. They lack perception is an understatement.
After these blowups they may apologize and promise to change but most likely will put the blame on everyone else but themselves. These people rarely if ever take responsibility for their own actions.
It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault.
Abusive people don’t understand boundaries. They somehow lack the ability to understand where they end and the other person begins. The lines are blurred. These people see the spouse or friend as an extension of themselves therefore the person is NOT allowed to have boundaries.
Abusers are often afraid. They do and say things out of fear and tend to use their emotions as justification for others to do what is DEMANDED!
When these people are exhausted it’s like they are at the end of their rope and they will lash out at those closest to them and become defensive when they do. They will use denial, projection, regression and suppression once backed into a corner and once the dust settles have all their excuses lined up to justify their behaviour.
Unfortunately none of these excuses justifies their behaviour but the cycle will continue to repeat itself.
There are friends on this forum who have relationships like this and it’s very sad to witness such abuse.
28-09-2018, 09:38 AM
10
Re: Love
Originally Posted by Bratti
->
Unfortunately this happens! For whatever reason, some people stay with people who abuse them and this doesn’t just happen with romantic relationships. It happened with platonic friendships also. There are people who stay with friends who abuse them. I think it’s a deep ingrained lack of security in themselves and perhaps they think that sense of ‘being needed’ is love.
These relationships thrive off of drama and attention seeking. They aren’t grounded in love but share the common bond of desperation.
The people that tend to abuse others are emotionally undeveloped. They have this believe that if someone hurts them or embarrasses them that they ‘have’ to hurt back.
They feel a sense of entitlement. They think they have a ‘right’ not to be hurt or embarrassed and will punish others if this sense of entitlement is violated.
They lack real empathy and accountability. Abuse happens in a world that thinks it’s ok to hurt others who have hurt us and they do it because they can.
Many abusive partners came from abusive families so it becomes a learned behaviour but this isn’t always the case either. Some people have a sense of entitlement because they were raised to feel extra special and/ or there’s mental health issues.
Some people feel if ‘they’ have a mental disorder that they aren’t responsible for their actions. They believe it’s other people’s responsibility to make sure they are kept grounded and feel secure at all times.
Many people with abusive personalities are narcissistic and may have anger or impulse control issues or substance abuse problems. Abusing others gives them a sense of power; a feeling that they are stronger and more deserving than others and they somehow thrive from this distinction making them feel more powerful. They lack perception is an understatement.
After these blowups they may apologize and promise to change but most likely will put the blame on everyone else but themselves. These people rarely if ever take responsibility for their own actions.
It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault.
Abusive people don’t understand boundaries. They somehow lack the ability to understand where they end and the other person begins. The lines are blurred. These people see the spouse or friend as an extension of themselves therefore the person is NOT allowed to have boundaries.
Abusers are often afraid. They do and say things out of fear and tend to use their emotions as justification for others to do what is DEMANDED!
When these people are exhausted it’s like they are at the end of their rope and they will lash out at those closest to them and become defensive when they do. They will use denial, projection, regression and suppression once backed into a corner and once the dust settles have all their excuses lined up to justify their behaviour.
Unfortunately none of these excuses justifies their behaviour but the cycle will continue to repeat itself.
There are friends on this forum who have relationships like this and it’s very sad to witness such abuse.
What a thought provoking - and insightful post, Bratti. Thank you.
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