laughs

A Day At Golf With Dave And Fred

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Dave and Fred decide to go golfing at their favourite course.
...
On the fifteenth hole, Dave hits his golf ball into the woods and finds it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ends up thrashing every buttercup in the patch.All of a sudden POOF! In a flash and a puff of smoke, a beautiful woman appears.

She says "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? For doing what you did, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. And, you won't have any butter for your toast. In fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then POOF! She disappears.

After Dave recovers from the shock, he yells to his friend Fred. "Hey, Fred, where are you?"

Fred yells back, "I'm in the rough, over here in a patch of pussy willows."

Dave shouts back "Don't swing, Fred! For the love of God, DON'T SWING!!!"

........................


Why Do Men Die First?


This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know.
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It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.

If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet ... its male indifference.

If you cry ... you're a wimp.

If you don't ... you're an insensitive *******.

If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.

If SHE asks you ... it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert.

If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist.

If you don't ... you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain.

If you don't ... you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers ... you're after something.

If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself.

If you don't ... you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often ... you're oversexed.

If you don't ... there must be someone else.

So Why do men die first?

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V

Quite simply because they want to.