Re: Jokes for blokes

A very old man in a nursing home grabbed the blouse of a beautiful, busty, young nurse and ripped it clear off.
When the police arrived, they charged him with, Assault with a dead weapon.

Re: Jokes for blokes

I met this wonderful girl today. We had so much in common. We both liked football, beer, pub food, and she even laughed at my offensive jokes.

So I took her back to my place and she sat me down and then stripped totally naked.

And it was at this point I saw we had something else in common.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Blinking eck JBR.
Rather you than me!

Re: Jokes for blokes

No, no, no, no! I didn't. It was a joke. Honestly.

Re: Jokes for blokes

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across
a lamp partially buried in the sand.

He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde
genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The
guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a
golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore
this fabulous house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet,
he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and
standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They
drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and
hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'i can understand
the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me'

Re: Jokes for blokes

A man went to a zoo and was disappointed to find only one animal.

It was Shih Tzu

Re: Jokes for blokes

A guy is hiking up a mountain when he sees a girl standing on the edge of a cliff, crying.

"Hey," he says, "if you're going to jump, how about giving me a blow job before you do it?"

"My life's been nothing but crap," says the girl, "so I might as well."

After the girl's done, the guy says, "Wow, that was great! Wanna come home with me?" and then adds, "Why are you so depressed anyway?"

The girl replies, "My family disowned me for dressing like a woman."

Re: Jokes for blokes

An explorer is telling his friends about a previously unknown tribe he has discovered in Africa - the Alawi.

'They're pygmies,' explains the explorer, 'but unlike most pygmies, who live in the forests, these fellows live in the tall grasslands of the plains.'

'And what does the name of the tribe mean?' asks one of his friends.

'I'm not sure,' replies the explorer, 'but when I found them wandering through the six-foot grass, virtually the first thing they said to me was, "We're the Alawi."'

(The original that I read actually called them the 'Fukawi', but I thought 'Alawi' would be nicer in case some of the ladies had strayed on to here.)

Re: Jokes for blokes

A man was in the urinal of a pub, when he heard an argument coming from the cubicle.

"Get lost will you?" said one voice.

"No, it's my turn," said the other.

"But you had it earlier."

"Let me have it, you bastard."

"No way. I'm not finished."

Back in the pub, the man relayed the conversation to the barman.

The barman replied, "Oh, don't worry. It's just those Siamese twins having a wank."

Re: Jokes for blokes

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.