18-07-2013, 05:35 PM
22
Re: More of my uncle Vivian's adventures.
A circus acrobat went to confession, when her told the priest his occupation the priest was delighted "I've never been to a circus, maybe you could do a few tumbles down the aisle for me, the church is empty and you have it all to yourself" The acrobat was willing to oblige and did a few somersaults and cartwheels down the aisle. One old lady was praying behind a church pillar and couldn't be seen, when she got home her sister asked "Is father Byrne still hearing confessions?" "Yes but if you're going there you want to make sure you have clean drawers, you'd want to see what he's giving out for penance."
19-07-2013, 05:50 PM
23
Re: More of my uncle Vivian's adventures.
Grace Brothers, the upper class department store, now long gone, employed my dear uncle Vivian in his youth. He became an expert in soft furnishings, drapery, cushions and nets. His “party” trick involved blindfolding him and giving him 2 different fabrics to identify by handling only.“Bolton Twill” he barked as he was handed some Bolton twill. “Grace Brothers exclusive “Cotton Repp”……..”Post box red colour” it wasn’t necessary to add the colour as well , it was sheer arrogance..
He was expert at matching difficult patterns, half drops for example, cross overs, swag & tails, festoons. It was all run of the mill stuff. He was bored in stuffy old Grace Brothers. To liven things up he progressed to cutting up material in the required lengths, blindfolded. Then facing the other way, then stood on his hands. All this hilarity attracted the attention of the head floor walker Brigadier Flewett, a kind & gentle but doddery old soul.
“Oh dear me, we can’t have all this going on ,it’s just not Grace Brothers” he muttered, and in the same moment pointed his finger at uncle Vivian, declaring in as serious a voice as he could muster
“You’re Fired”
Uncle Vivian didn’t turn a hair, he’d been down to the bookies an hour before and put an accumulator bet on “ A certainty” tip. Harry Taylor, the department junior returned with a ridiculously large amount of money, his winnings, concealed for safety in an old galvanized bucket he’d borrowed from the display section. Although Harry was technically a junior, he was in his 80s, no family, apart from Grace Brothers.
“If Mr Vivian is fired, then I’m leaving too” squeaked Harry, only 4ft 6” in height. The Brigadier was 6ft 8” and towered over Harry.
Uncle Vivian & Harry joined a group of strolling players & trod the boards until Harry was poached by Billy Smart the circus proprietor who was staging a new spectacle based on Snow White & the SEVEN Dwarfs….More later.
19-07-2013, 06:20 PM
24
Re: More of my uncle Vivian's adventures.
Originally Posted by Jem
->
A circus acrobat went to confession, when her told the priest his occupation the priest was delighted "I've never been to a circus, maybe you could do a few tumbles down the aisle for me, the church is empty and you have it all to yourself" The acrobat was willing to oblige and did a few somersaults and cartwheels down the aisle. One old lady was praying behind a church pillar and couldn't be seen, when she got home her sister asked "Is father Byrne still hearing confessions?" "Yes but if you're going there you want to make sure you have clean drawers, you'd want to see what he's giving out for penance."
19-07-2013, 09:05 PM
30
Re: More of my uncle Vivian's adventures.
Originally Posted by Robert Junior
->
Grace Brothers, the upper class department store, now long gone, employed my dear uncle Vivian in his youth. He became an expert in soft furnishings, drapery, cushions and nets. His “party” trick involved blindfolding him and giving him 2 different fabrics to identify by handling only.“Bolton Twill” he barked as he was handed some Bolton twill. “Grace Brothers exclusive “Cotton Repp”……..”Post box red colour” it wasn’t necessary to add the colour as well , it was sheer arrogance..
He was expert at matching difficult patterns, half drops for example, cross overs, swag & tails, festoons. It was all run of the mill stuff. He was bored in stuffy old Grace Brothers. To liven things up he progressed to cutting up material in the required lengths, blindfolded. Then facing the other way, then stood on his hands. All this hilarity attracted the attention of the head floor walker Brigadier Flewett, a kind & gentle but doddery old soul.
“Oh dear me, we can’t have all this going on ,it’s just not Grace Brothers” he muttered, and in the same moment pointed his finger at uncle Vivian, declaring in as serious a voice as he could muster
“You’re Fired”
Uncle Vivian didn’t turn a hair, he’d been down to the bookies an hour before and put an accumulator bet on “ A certainty” tip. Harry Taylor, the department junior returned with a ridiculously large amount of money, his winnings, concealed for safety in an old galvanized bucket he’d borrowed from the display section. Although Harry was technically a junior, he was in his 80s, no family, apart from Grace Brothers.
“If Mr Vivian is fired, then I’m leaving too” squeaked Harry, only 4ft 6” in height. The Brigadier was 6ft 8” and towered over Harry.
Uncle Vivian & Harry joined a group of strolling players & trod the boards until Harry was poached by Billy Smart the circus proprietor who was staging a new spectacle based on Snow White & the SEVEN Dwarfs….More later.
Indeed uncle Vivian has many strings to his bow, all the better to pull a few when you need them.I was reminded of that old TV series when I read about his expertise with cloth, I wonder did Vivian write the scripts, "Never mind the quality, feel the width."
|
|
