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Judd
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Judd is offline
West Riding of Yorkshire
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 12,538
Judd is male  Judd has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-05-2019, 11:49 PM
541

Re: Let's have a laugh

Someone nailed a Liverpool FC season ticket to a telegraph pole and some bugger nicked the nail.
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Mr Ploppy
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Mr Ploppy is offline
Perth Western Australia, 3rd house on the right
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 8,791
Mr Ploppy is male  Mr Ploppy has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
23-05-2019, 07:32 AM
542

Re: Let's have a laugh

Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.
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Longdogs
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SW England
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 43,957
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23-05-2019, 09:11 AM
543

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Muffinhatz ->
People say I am addicted to sandpaper. I'm not, I just need something to take the edge off.
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JBR
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Cheshire, UK
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 32,785
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23-05-2019, 09:43 AM
544

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy ->
Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.
Brilliant, and very true!
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Mr Ploppy
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Mr Ploppy is offline
Perth Western Australia, 3rd house on the right
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 8,791
Mr Ploppy is male  Mr Ploppy has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
23-05-2019, 01:55 PM
545

Re: Let's have a laugh

A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text....*
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.*
If you are laughing send me your smile.*
if you are eating send me a bite.*
If you are drinking send me a sip.*
If you are crying send me your tears.*
I Love you."*
He replied ....*

"I am on the toilet. What should I do?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Richmond
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United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
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23-05-2019, 04:40 PM
546

Re: Let's have a laugh

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Richmond
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Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
23-05-2019, 04:41 PM
547

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy ->
A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text....*
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.*
If you are laughing send me your smile.*
if you are eating send me a bite.*
If you are drinking send me a sip.*
If you are crying send me your tears.*
I Love you."*
He replied ....*

"I am on the toilet. What should I do?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a dilemma LOL - good one Mr. P
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Richmond
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Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
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23-05-2019, 04:42 PM
548

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by JBR ->
Brilliant, and very true!
Absolutely - right on!
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Richmond
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Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
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Posts: 1,351
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23-05-2019, 08:44 PM
549

Re: Let's have a laugh

This is a bit lengthy - but stick with it!!

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions;
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No we have a carport, and not need one.
I mean, What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put it on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say:
Polish Remover.
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Mr Ploppy
Chatterbox
Mr Ploppy is offline
Perth Western Australia, 3rd house on the right
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 8,791
Mr Ploppy is male  Mr Ploppy has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
24-05-2019, 06:30 AM
550

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
This is a bit lengthy - but stick with it!!

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions;
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No we have a carport, and not need one.
I mean, What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put it on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say:
Polish Remover.
Perhaps he needs poisoning?
 
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