Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Stop me if I've already posted this

Uncle Vivian was a kind gentleman & was very polite & caring with all those he came across when he was out & about. A good friend to Phil Garlicke, mentioned elsewhere, the shellshocked war hero now existing on the streets, unable to forget the horrors he’d lived through in his army days.

Vivian was mentioned in dispatches often, some kindly , others not. Being a born leader he was prone to take ridiculously dangerous actions in the field. One manouvre involved ordering his men to run backwards towards the foe. Confused, the enemy fled.

Perhaps the highlight of his WW2 career was the day he was circling the skies in his Spitfire, awaiting the return roll of a pesky Messerschmitt. Here it comes, he muttered. Oh drat I’ve run out of fuel and bullets. “Don’t panic, don’t panic” he chanted to himself, shortly noting the enemy was just circling under him.

“Pig dog” the other pilot shouted, “Your Queen is useless”
That was going too far . Vivian waited until the oppo passed under him once more. He seized the moment to spit out his baccy , scoring a direct hit into the other pilot’s eye, who lost control & crashed the plane. The anger in him to hear the Queen insulted was enough to produce tears. Uncle was very much a Royalist
The Queen useless? He pondered on it.
“Well if she is useless she does it very well”

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I am on to a good thing here dont'cha kmow.

My Uncle Vivian in his old age having alienated most of his extended family, ended up in a rest home in rural Rotherham.
I visited him on his 90th birthday, he had lost none of his irascibility & was being rather curt to the young nurse trying to tend to him.
Sat in his enormous shabby chic chair he began to lean to his left & the nurse gently moved him back to an upright position again. He glared at her. Quite soon he began to lean to his right & sure enough the nurse leaned across gently and set him upright .
Finally he leant forward , deftly blocking her kind attempt to help him back to an upright position once more.
“For goodness sake nurse, let me fart “
Bless him.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

last one

From my August 2014 diary.
Uncle Vivian, a jape

Today I have been spoilt by nurse Gillian. After a shaky start, well we had to be up early because “they” were sweeping our pavement & gutter, having given the residents a weeks notice to keep our cars off along the road somewhere so their work wouldn’t be impeded. It didn’t work because at 7AM the road was clear of cars, at 8AM the road was filled with nurses cars working at the hospital across the way who couldn’t believe their luck on seeing dozens of car parking spaces.

Anyway we went down to Bournemouth , sat on the seafront & had lunch at Harry Ramsden world famous fish & chip restaurant.The staff were on their best behaviour , I think because there were a group of head office bods snooping around & making notes, silly so & so’s. I had 30 years of fending off head office staff & their antics. So I feel sympathy for the staff. I toyed with the idea of gurgling, holding my throat & rolling about on the floor, in front of the top man. He’d have been useless, they all are. Keep to your spreadsheets & leave the staff alone.That’s what I say.
Uncle Vivian would have sidled up to one of the”SUITS”, passed wind & then look accusingly at his victim “ Upon my word sir, you are NO gentleman”
Another jape was to put a dollop of peanut butter on the floor of a posh business premise, for all the world to see, & looking like cats poo.In full view of other customers he’d scoop it up into his mouth, what a guy!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

A man lost on no-man’s-land Island. One day he decided to build a wooden boat to save his life. Suddenly a hot girl came there and the man uses the wood for making a bed. Moral – A girl can change your goal.


Heated gold becomes ornaments, beaten copper become wires, compressed rocks become diamonds and mentally tortured men become ‘Best Husbands’

Why are wives ‘more’ dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life… The wives want both!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

you got the best deal heh RJ - the golden hand shake repeated rapidly on the nearest floppy part? - and of course the wheel chair tango - ooeer!! but don't get those plastic tubes caught in the spokes!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Splendid posts there RJ, by jove man it’s great to see you on top form, you made my day, thanks.

Goodnight Mary Ellen, goodnight John boy, reminded me of me granny’s old song “I’m shy Mary Ellen I’m shy” it came out in 1910 and would have been a No.1 had they got a hit parade back then, I believe they had a fair idea of how a song/tune was doing by the amount of sheet music sold, something like that, a bigger indicator was how many messenger boys were whistling it.

Here’s a few bars of that very old song, it’s specially for John boy and Mary Ellen..Tee hee hee.

I'M SHY, MARY ELLEN, I'M SHY
(Charles Ridgewell / George A. Stevens)
1910.

“I courted Mary Ellen
For fourteen solid years,
But she made me blush when she
One night boldly said to me,
"You've never kiss'd me once, John,
Tho' I'd like you to", she sighed;
"Why don't you call me pretty names?".
I hung my head and cried,

"I'm shy Mary Ellen, I'm shy,
It does seem so naughty, oh, my!
Kissing is nicey, I've often heard say,
But still how to do it I don't know the way.
So you put your arm round my waist,
I promise I won't scream or cry,
So you do the kissing and cuddling instead,
'Cos I'm shy, Mary Ellen, I'm shy".

As kids we used to sing that as “ ‘Cos I’m shy Hairy Melon, Im shy”
Maybe someday they’ll team up as a singing duet, Mary Ellen and Hairy Melon.

Is a melon a vegetable or a fruit? I hate melons, completely tasteless, eating one is like eating water.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

melons are a big item in the hot southern hemisphere! you can see them and sample them at all barbecues and house parties!

but we don't have many maryellens or johnboys - they're the yanky kinds!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I had a look at your Christchurch photo’s Sweetie, very nice indeed. It’s a place I would like to visit some day, and that gin joint looks right up my street.
I was wondering, after seeing the ducking stool, did the famous Matthew Hopkins ever stop over in Christchurch and dunk a few innocent maidens and harmless old crones.
Quite a busy chappie was old Matt, done away with over 300 so called Witches in the few short years before he retired (1644-1647) a nice little earner it was for him too.
There’s a good film about him made in 1968 called “The Witchfinder General”, Vincent Price plays Hopkins and it’s loosely based on Hopkins active years, plus a bit of Edgar Allen Poe’s stuff thrown in, well that’s to be expected as Price was a World expert on Poe’s works.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Just looking at Hopkins wellies in that picture, God they wouldn't be much use in the rain, his feet would be soaked.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Oh what a day!!!
One of my boys in love.
My stepson in dire straights.
What a worry they are causing me!!!

The John Boy is something that Gummy and myself have been doing for ages.
It's our tribute to the Walton's.

Glad you enjoyed my photo thread Jem, I have lots more to add another day.

Welcome back Young Robert, I do love your posts.

I will pop back later, as I need to sort this young love stuff out!
Give me strength!!!