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Muddy
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01-07-2020, 09:01 AM
1

The effects of a bad childhood

I have been contacted on Facebook by a man I only knew as a child .
I don’t accept many friends on FB .
Anyhow I mentioned this to my son who said sadly that this man is in jail for murder !
He is a friend as he feels sorry for him .
Thinking back
I knew two other children of this family .
They were both I recognise now - I didn’t know then - abused children .In fact I recall taking one child myself to hospital for a chronic ear infection poor little boy .( he is actually a friend on FB to this day )
The stepfather was cruel to them and the mother neglectful .
My son said he witnessed the stepfather knocking seven bells out of these children . ( he toLd me this only recently )
The stepfather ( outwardly a charming man) had two children of his own ( darling little boys ) it is one of these who is in Prison for murder .

This made me think how important it is to have a secure and happy childhood .
Yet people who have had miserable childhood don’t all grow up to be murderers .
Some must be more resilient than others.
Looking back I think of these children .
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01-07-2020, 09:08 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

Every Child and Childhood is different, as is the reaction to neglect, in what ever form that takes.
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01-07-2020, 09:11 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

Yes I remember reading the biography of Norman Wisdom .
He had a horrific childhood which ended at 14 when his father threw him out of the house .
Yet he did alright .
However like many comedians there was always an air of sadness about him .
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01-07-2020, 09:18 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

There is an art in turning a negative into a positive, and great achievement on avoiding replicating the past, probably.
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01-07-2020, 09:23 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

I would not call it an art we are the sum of our experiences and if you had a rotten childhood it must be difficult to over come .
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01-07-2020, 09:28 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

Originally Posted by Muddy ->
– Snip –

Yet people who have had miserable childhood don’t all grow up to be murderers.
Some must be more resilient than others.

Looking back I think of these children .
It's all down to 'how we tick' – how our minds work to process the 'information' received. This is decided on from our upbringing, our genes etc. (nature and nurture) and we are all so very different in that respect. While one child will inherit the majority of genes from its mother so has her personality, looks and ways, another child of the same parents in the same family will inherit the majority of genes from the father plus the way his mind works. If you imagine the complexities of a mixture of all this it shows just how similar we all are but so very, very different, even within the same family.

You only have to look at all the children in one family and see the similarities but also the differences between each of them by way of looks, temperament etc.
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01-07-2020, 09:31 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

I had a reasonably good childhood, with parents that were strict but fair and never unnecessarily cruel to either me or my two siblings. We were certainly kept under control and got a clout when we deserved one, which just seemed par for the course back in the fifties in a midlands pit village. What it did do though was to teach us self discipline as well as a huge self reliance, qualities which are sadly missing in much of today's youth which I put down to ultra liberal education policies, and the dearth of discipline in both the home and schools.
What can I say, it worked for us...
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01-07-2020, 09:40 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

Originally Posted by Muddy;1926305[B
]I would not call it an art[/B] we are the sum of our experiences and if you had a rotten childhood it must be difficult to over come .
I disagree, some Actors work with it, and, have carved out a career, remember, the whole world is a stage and, all the men and women merely players, I suppose it could be deliberating if a person develops worldly stage fright.
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01-07-2020, 09:52 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

Originally Posted by Barry ->
I had a reasonably good childhood, with parents that were strict but fair and never unnecessarily cruel to either me or my two siblings. We were certainly kept under control and got a clout when we deserved one, which just seemed par for the course back in the fifties in a midlands pit village. What it did do though was to teach us self discipline as well as a huge self reliance, qualities which are sadly missing in much of today's youth which I put down to ultra liberal education policies, and the dearth of discipline in both the home and schools.
What can I say, it worked for us...
I can only agree with all you write as that was how my parents brought me up. In those days there was a different way of rearing children and it was proven to work. These days there is so much missing from those proven ways and now we see the results of that.

In the 1950s it was not such an 'easy' life as it is today. Not for anyone, parents or children, but that alone brought a certain independence and ability to deal with whatever happened in life, basically you just had to get on with it because if you didn't nobody else would do it for you.
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01-07-2020, 10:48 AM
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Re: The effects of a bad childhood

A bad childhood doesn't always mean that the child/ren of a family are neglected either. When I was teaching in secondary school there was a particular boy who was so disruptive that some teachers could not control him. He was arrogant to the extreme because if his parents were called into school - as they were on a regular basis - they would always side with him and blame the school for his behaviour. Eventually, he was expelled for hitting a teacher with a lump of wood and then imprisoning another in her office because she had confiscated his mobile phone - in the days when mobiles were scarce amongst young people. He was taken in by another school but the behaviour pattern continued. He is now in prison for murder. If only his parents had disciplined him and taught him to respect others things might have turned out quite differently for him.
 
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