Re: Debase

Well, I was wrong about the decade

Re: Debase

You can't be perfect all the time ... leave room for other people to have a chance.

Re: Debase

I have Christian humility

Re: Debase

Well seeing that you ask....

Sociopaths and narcissists frequently use gaslighting tactics. Sociopaths consistently transgress social mores, break laws, and exploit others, but typically also are convincing liars, sometimes charming ones, who consistently deny wrongdoing. Thus, some who have been victimized by sociopaths may doubt their own perceptions. Some physically abusive spouses may gaslight their partners by flatly denying that they have been violent. Gaslighting may occur in parent–child relationships, with either parent, child, or both lying to each other and attempting to undermine perceptions.
An abuser's ultimate goal is to make their victim second guess their every choice and question their sanity, making them more dependent on the abuser. A tactic which further degrades a target's self-esteem is for the abuser to ignore, then attend to, then ignore the victim again, so the victim lowers their personal bar for what constitutes affection and perceives themselves as less worthy of affection. Gaslighting may be experienced by victims of school bullying – when combined with other psychological and physical methods, the result can lead to long-lasting psychological disorders and even progress into illnesses such as depression or avoidant personality disorder.
Gaslighting has been observed in some cases of marital infidelity: "Therapists may contribute to the victim's distress through mislabeling the woman's reactions. The gaslighting behaviors of the spouse provide a recipe for the so-called 'nervous breakdown' for some women [and] suicide in some of the worst situations."
There are two characteristics of gaslighting: The abuser wants full control of feelings, thoughts, or actions of the victim; and the abuser discreetly emotionally abuses the victim in hostile, abusive, or coercive ways.
It is necessary to understand the warning signs of gaslighting in order to fully start the healing process. Signs of gaslighting include:
1. Withholding information from victim;
2. Countering information to fit the abuser’s perspective;
3. Discounting information;
4. Verbal abuse, usually in the form of jokes;
5. Blocking and diverting the victim’s attention from outside sources;
6. Trivializing the victim’s worth; and,
7. Undermining victim by gradually weakening them and their thought process.
Jay Carter explores the reasons behind gaslighting. He says that only 1% of people consciously use this technique to intentionally hurt the victim; 20% of people use gaslighting as a defense mechanism and only semi consciously use this technique; while the rest of the abusers unintentionally use this technique once in a while.
Three most common methods of gaslighting are:
• Hiding: The abuser may hide things from the victim and cover up what they have done. Instead of feeling ashamed, the abuser may convince the victim to doubt their own beliefs about the situation and turn the blame on themselves.
• Changing: The abuser feels the need to change something about the victim. Whether it be the way the victim dresses or acts, they want the victim to mold into their fantasy. If the victim does not comply, the abuser may convince the victim that he or she is in fact not good enough.
• Control: The abuser may want to fully control and have power over the victim. In doing so, the abuser will try to seclude them from other friends and family where only they can influence the victim's thoughts and actions. The abuser gets pleasure from knowing the victim is being fully controlled by them


THe above is a standard DSM 5 type description of gaslighting. THere are other examples of psychological manipulation that are really common. YOu see them all the time. The thing to remember is that whatever the tactic, the best defecnce is to be quietly critical of what somebody is saying you are or saying you are doing. If anything worries you, Get a second opinion from somebody who cares about you enough to help you but at the same time you know will be honest with you. Ridicule, questioning your basic value intelligence or sanity, is the dirt common way people meaningfully damage another's self esteem. Example is when somebody put you down in some way, and when you react reasonably to defend yourself you get "OH where is your sense of humour"..or "OOO aren't we defensive!"..They have not taken into account at all what your sense of humour is or what offends you. THey don't care about your feelings. THey turn it back on you and make you feel responsible for their bullying. YOu can feel in your gut when somebody really is joking or not.