Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Good job the geezers were concerned, Ladies have special requirements health wise.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Mary the Carnivore

Mary had a Little Lamb
She also had some Beef
She don’t feel no guilt bout it
She has Canine Teeth
She’ll never be a Veggie
And here I’ll tell you why
She loves a Double Cheeseburger
And’s partial to Pork Pie
She don’t mind some Lettuce
On her BLT
Or a little bit of Onion (fried)
On a Hot Dog for tea
Sheppardessings not on the forefront
In the fields with splaying frock
Nothing that romantic
She’s eyeing up the Flock

© Spitty 2020

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Lovely stuff Spitty, my kind of poetry, witty and unusual, none of your sloppy romantic mush or using endless verses describing the sky, flowers, trees, the Moon and the colour of her hair and eyes.

I used to debate with RJ years ago about that Shakespeare fella and how he got away with murder, he had no competition at that time because he was the only one doing plays and poems on a commercial scale, churning them out like sausages, as the Gummy fella would say.
N’er a word about all the others writing stuff that never reached a big audience, the poor buggers had to go around flogging their songs and poems at a penny a sheet when the pennies were as scarce as hens teeth, no fancy bookings for them at the Globe.

She likes a bit of lettuce on her BLT, well so do I, we always have a glass bowl of fresh lettuce on our Big Long Table in the kitchen, the grand kids are always making sandwiches when they nip in and out.

That reminded me of this song that was doing the rounds just as I was starting my apprenticeship in 1960, it was played often on the workshop radio. It holds some good memories for me.
I had forgotten the name of it and I’ve being trying to find it for a long time, today I typed in some lines I’d remembered and got lucky, I found it!

Never knew it was called ‘The ballad of Bethnal Green’ and I’d never heard of Paddy Roberts either.
I love the way he tells this little story of a dumb blonde girl who loves dancing and falls for a nasty Teddy boy, and when he finds her dancing in the arms of another he stabs her in the middle of her cha-cha-cha, wherever that is.
We also have the no nonsense judge who sentences the young man saying
“I’ve had enough, of this kind of stuff, that I get from the likes of you”.
Nothing like giving it to ‘em straight yer honour.

As the departed Dublin comedian Jimmy O’Dea used to say about the rich bookies “It’s the likes of us has the likes of them walking around in they’re Rolls Royces”

Some of the older members might remember and enjoy hearing this again, I know I did.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I think that one of my favourite shows, the Antique Road Trip, has gone downhill since they insisted on filming it during the coronavirus outbreak, the climax of it, the auction, is now reduced to the two competitors lounging about in the open air forcing out frozen smiles, and fiddling around with tablets showing the items up for auction, the pair of them frantically trying to drum up a bit of enthusiasm, it’s pathetic in my humble opinion.
I watch the old repeats now on the ‘Really’ channel.

They should have suspended it until we can all congregate together again with the real atmosphere of the auction rooms.

And another gripe while i’m in a gripe humour,, that Catherine Southon one gets on my wick, she likes to get her own way all the time, and she thinks the sun shines out of her bulky looking backside, somehow she always manages to give me the impression she’s wearing bean-bag knickers, plus she’s a worse loser than Trump.
(I’ve been hearing that phrase a lot lately, soon ‘A worse loser than Trump’ will be up there with the big ones like “The best thing since sliced bread’ and “I don’t know him from Adam”, God what a way to be remembered.

I love the Scottish lady Anita Manning, she’s a real cheerful cracker.

But my hero of the whole team has to be Charlie Ross, what a personality!, he knows his stuff but never boasts about it, a true gentleman with a fantastic sense of humour, a great loser and the first to congratulate a winning opponent, for a very wealthy man (so I read) Charlie is everyman’s man, always a genuine smile on his face for everyone, never arrogant or deriding, the fellow is a natural personality and a joy to watch.

I only hope the BBC don’t nab him into being a show presenter for any of their new ‘wonderful’ program ideas, they have a way of crushing the spirit of true people like him and making them become just another BBC zombie, but I think there’s no fear of that, Charlie is not short of a few bob and more luck to him, no better man to deserve it.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

None of those two looks like a Geezer!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

How very observant of you Spitty, indeed they don’t look like geezers, but it’s so hard to tell these days ain’t it, and if you get it wrong they can sue you.
The blonde is Catherine and the red head is a new arrival on the show, don’t know her name.
That snap was just to show you what they do now seeing that the auction rooms are out of bounds to the public. they sit or stand in a field and look at the auction on 10” tablets, a very dull climax to the show.


One thing always amazed me, it’s the ability of some women to be able to repeat the same story over and over again, is it any wonder they make better witnesses in court than men, I hate having to say anything twice, it’s an effort for me but some seem to enjoy it.

I’m convinced the police use this repeat technique to torture suspects, they make you say the same thing over and over again and seem to enjoy doing it.

I’ll give you a personal example of how it can get to a man.

Just before the coronavirus outbreak some lads were finishing off a job they were doing on the kitchen.

When the two chaps arrived here to work at 9.30 one morning they explained that as a new collage was opening near where we live, the traffic was terrible and that was the reason why they were not here at 8.am.
We knew about the big opening ceremony but forgot about it, the wife went on to phone one of her sisters who would have to travel across the city to be here, she explained about the traffic as the lads had said, word for word, that made it the second time I heard it, she then went on to phone the other sister, again word for word. soon after she put the phone down the daughter arrives, she already knows about the traffic, she has just come through it, but the wife still has to tell her anyway, that’s four times I’d heard it now and need I say I was getting pissed off hearing it.

It’s no problem to the wife to say the same thing a hundred times if she met a hundred people, I think she has vocal cords made of Rhino skin.

Finally they were all here, they sat at the table drinking tea and what do you think the wife opens the conversation with…the bloody traffic again! I felt like screaming out “WE KNOW, WE KNOW!” but I knew I would suffer when she got me on my own again.
Sometimes I just despair with it all, if ever a man suffered, thank God for the shed and a bit of peace and quiet.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I used to like the odd esipode of Antiques Road Trip. I like old cars so it was nice to see a nice variety of old motors.
My Lovely Cousin and I are quite partial to a wander round a reclamation yard or an antiques centre, preferring the latter to individual shops.
I do like a good rummage in a junk shop as well. As one shop owner said, "We buy junk and sell antiques".

I don't like the new version sans the auction room bit at the end. I don't like the current version either with one bike and one car, (or is that another prog about Ann Tiqueties?)

I'm with you on the dislike of repetition. We took my Outlaws for their Covid Vaccines today and I've been listening to My Lovely telling friends and family members the whole story in a series of 'phone calls, and yes it is word for word the same every time.

I read yesterday in the chrymble edition of the TV Times that there will be a special version of the Antiques Roadshow about "What happened Next?"
You know the sort of thing; something has been valued at ten squillion Quid but the current owner has said they would never sell it. Well now we will get to find out if that was the case, and a few auction results as well.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I’m glad I’m not the only man who has to listen to the same tale several times over Fruity, where do they get the energy from?

I’ll look forward to “whatever happened next”, i’ve often wondered what did happen in some cases.

I used to travel around the country's auction rooms during the good weather months when I was younger, my travelling partner provided the driving and the cash and I supplied the knowledge, advice on what to bid for, and then the bench work right up to the finished product.

We did very well for ourselves over a few years, he would buy the stuff, mostly old worn diamond jewellery and I would remove the stones and remount them in 18ct. and platinum modern settings as new and he would sell them on to well to do customers he had lined up, quality always sells as they say in the antique road trip, so true.
Ours was a very profitable game while it lasted, but then too many copped onto it an it was hard to get any real bargains after that, all good things come to an end, I have to say I really used to enjoy it.

I knew a fella called Brian Teek, he had an older sister and she was Ann Teek.
I was having a drink with the pair of them one night and I posed the question to Ann Teek “You two never seem to age and are always in good form, what makes you tick?”

“I reckon it’s because we had thick parents” says she.

Sorry about that chief.

We used to sing this on our way home from the auctions trips.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

THE BOX.

I hate to see people struggling with heavy bulky parcels at this time of year, only today I looked out the window and there was the woman from next door wrestling with what looked to me like a child’s bike all wrapped up in brown paper and just like Batman I donned me cloves and mask and headed out to assist her.
I know what it’s like, but alas nobody comes to the assistance of a young able bodied man in distress.
Here’s an experience I won’t forget in a hurry.

One week before Christmas, 40 years ago to the day, I got a phone call from the wife.
Both of us were at work that time, she said I was to call into a well know Dublin shop on my way home from work and collect an artificial Christmas tree and take it home for her, no problem says I.

Little did I know the tree was made up in sections from real specially treated wood, heavy wood at that, all neatly packed into a box, when I saw the size of the box it came in and tried to lift it I nearly fainted with the weight of it, don’t know what it weighed but it was heavier than me that’s for sure.

The dimensions of the box were roughly 6’ tall, by 2’ wide, by 1’ deep. I’m only 5’8” and only weighed 9 and a half stone then, I’m a stone heavier now.

The fella in the shop asked me to sign for it, when I asked him did they not deliver these things for their customers, he bluntly said.
“Not at the bargain price you got it for we don’t”, but it wasn’t me who got it yeh gobshite, I says to meself, then I told him I didn’t drive, never had a car and how was I supposed to get the thing home.
“That’s your problem” says he and he walked away.

Ignorant git, I struggled to get the thing out onto the pavement outside the shop deciding to hail a taxi but was not too optimistic at that time of the year.
Luckily a lady got out of one just outside the shop and I grabbed yerman and showed him the box.
“If you think I’m taking that huge thing in my cab your mistaken me lad”, says he as he gets into his cab and drives off.

Now I could go on and on telling you how I managed to get it on a bus and eventually home several hours later, but it would take too long, think of that short film “The Plank” with Eric Sykes and Tommy Cooper.
Finally after some bad adventures and a lot of sweat and cursing I arrived home, plonked into an armchair and lit up a well deserved smoke.

“Ah there yeh are Jem, you got it for me, thanks, but what took yeh so long?”

I could have strangled her if I had any strength left.

I’ll never forget that night, the wife and kids still talk about it to this day, and would you believe we were going to throw out that very same tree last year when the Son asked could he have it, it’s still in great nick out in his house now.

All that is true, I still have the welts on me back to prove it.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Jem - there is a little Spooky Christmas Story lurking in the 'It's Christmas' section - would value your opinion when you have a minute!