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Richmond
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04-06-2020, 08:29 PM
1521

Re: Let's have a laugh

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04-06-2020, 08:41 PM
1522

Re: Let's have a laugh

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the pavement in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man.
“Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Labour Party, Keir Starmer. What do you have in the basket?” he asked.
“Kittens,” little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Starmer.
Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“Labour supporters,” answered Suzy with a smile.
Starmer was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two of them agreed that he should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, ABC, CNN and Sky News,
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Starmer got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”
“Yes Sir,” Suzy said. “They’re Tories”
Taken by surprise, Keir stammered, “But…but…yesterday, you told me they were LABOUR SUPPORTERS.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”
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SW England
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05-06-2020, 08:56 AM
1523

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by JBR ->
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the pavement in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man.
“Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Labour Party, Keir Starmer. What do you have in the basket?” he asked.
“Kittens,” little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Starmer.
Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“Labour supporters,” answered Suzy with a smile.
Starmer was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two of them agreed that he should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, ABC, CNN and Sky News,
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Starmer got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”
“Yes Sir,” Suzy said. “They’re Tories”
Taken by surprise, Keir stammered, “But…but…yesterday, you told me they were LABOUR SUPPORTERS.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”
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Longdogs
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SW England
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Posts: 43,957
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05-06-2020, 09:00 AM
1524

Re: Let's have a laugh

I asked my neighbour if he had lost weight. He looked surprised and said he hadn't. I said 'No, I thought not you fat b*****d.

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Judd
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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06-06-2020, 10:11 AM
1525

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Attachment 12854
Nice one.
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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06-06-2020, 10:12 AM
1526

Re: Let's have a laugh

This year I won't be going to the Maldives because of Covid-19.

Normally I don't go to the Maldives because I can't afford it.
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effingpot
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Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
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06-06-2020, 05:25 PM
1527

Re: Let's have a laugh

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.
Runs until Friday!
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Richmond
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United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
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06-06-2020, 06:05 PM
1528

Re: Let's have a laugh

Little Billy came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, “Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?” His father, thinking quickly, said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.” “Gee Dad, that’s great,” said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” asked his father. “Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, ‘Jesus, I’m coming! I’m coming!’ If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down, we’d have lost her for sure!”
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Swannie148
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Sydney, Australia
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 283
Swannie148 is male 
 
07-06-2020, 03:57 AM
1529

Re: Let's have a laugh

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
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Swannie148
Senior Member
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Sydney, Australia
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 283
Swannie148 is male 
 
07-06-2020, 03:58 AM
1530

Re: Let's have a laugh

 
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