08-08-2011, 01:24 PM
11
Re: Elderly Parents
I'm sorry for your situation Martin as you seem to be stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.It is an ever increasing problem for a lot of families as our society is not adequately geared up with solutions.My own mother had family nearby who took care of her until she started to show behaviour signs of dementia.A family decision was taken to place her in a good local residential home.She was taken good care of there until she had a fall and broke her hip.Although she had a successful operation she didn't fully recover and died in a nursing home a few months later. I hope your wife and her relatives can come to a solution for the sake of your mother-in-law.
08-08-2011, 03:07 PM
12
Re: Elderly Parents
Stevmk2, I'm sorry I was so offhand before. A neighbour of mine was much the same as your MiL, her daughter had a meeting with her mums doctor & the SS assessed her & she got help mornings & evenings. Just lately she has gone to live in a retirement home. Good luck.
08-08-2011, 04:16 PM
13
Re: Elderly Parents
Originally Posted by Nuttygran
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Stevmk2, I'm sorry I was so offhand before. A neighbour of mine was much the same as your MiL, her daughter had a meeting with her mums doctor & the SS assessed her & she got help mornings & evenings. Just lately she has gone to live in a retirement home. Good luck.
Mum's already asked the local authorities but she's been refused any help because she gets a small private pension as well as her State Pension!!
It really doesn't pay you to put money away for your old age because, had she NOT had that other pension, which really isn't much, she'd have had all the help she needed!
The system really is very, very unfair. stevmk2
08-08-2011, 04:59 PM
14
Re: Elderly Parents
Originally Posted by stevmk2
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You didn't seem offhand to me Nutty!!Mum's already asked the local authorities but she's been refused any help because she gets a small private pension as well as her State Pension!!
It really doesn't pay you to put money away for your old age because, had she NOT had that other pension, which really isn't much, she'd have had all the help she needed!
The system really is very, very unfair. stevmk2
09-08-2011, 08:41 AM
15
Re: Elderly Parents
Sad to say Martin, but despite what others say and despite your MIL's resistance, I think the time is very fast approaching where where needs to be in 'sheltered accommodation'. Since your MIL lives so far away, is it possible to find such sheltered accommodation somewhere in the vicinity of your home so that you and your good wife can be on hand for your MIL when she needs your help. Her sadness may be partially related to her feelings of being too remote from her family and her inability to do any of the necessary housework she previously did.09-08-2011, 09:06 AM
16
Re: Elderly Parents
Originally Posted by Uncle Joe
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Sad to say Martin, but despite what others say and despite your MIL's resistance, I think the time is very fast approaching where where needs to be in 'sheltered accommodation'. Since your MIL lives so far away, is it possible to find such sheltered accommodation somewhere in the vicinity of your home so that you and your good wife can be on hand for your MIL when she needs your help. Her sadness may be partially related to her feelings of being too remote from her family and her inability to do any of the necessary housework she previously did.
She has never been a hands-on parent and never, ever asks how her grand children or great grandchildren are. We've shown her photos of ours but she never asks for photos to keep for herself and only has old photos of her youngest son around the flat.
She has been living in her present home for many years yet she has no friends there; they are all only passing acquaintances to her yet they are all pensioners. They have all kinds of clubs and facilities organised but she's never joined in and simply does not want to.
We went through hoops to get my Dad moved up here 14 years ago when he went the same way as my wife's Mum and we had to pay the difference between what his local authority were prepared to pay for his accommodation and the actual costs and that set us back by about £80 per month.
It's more like £180 at least per month now and we haven't got that kind of income now. Besides, we need to downsize in about 4-5 years and because property prices are traditionally quite high in this area (48 miles from London) so we'll have to look in other areas where what we'll get for this house will buy us more choice for what will be our final home, hopefully. stevmk2
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