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24-10-2013, 11:03 AM
31

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

I have no idea of your problem Meg, but I can understand what you're saying. You don't have to dwell on it and let it eat you up, but all the same, it's still at the back of the filing cabinet.
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24-10-2013, 01:48 PM
32

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Originally Posted by ben-varrey ->
I don't think it's petty to the person affected by hurt that is so deep that it leads to grudge holding - to me, it says that the matter is remaining unresolved for whatever reason. Not all fallings out can be rectified to the point where it can be left behind.
Ok, I think I am defining grudge a bit differently, and after reading Meg's definition I have given it further thought. I certainly don't think there is anything petty about feeling hurt, and for that to be unresolved over years is no doubt difficult, as I know from experience. I think I was viewing grudges as being over more superficial things if that makes sense.

Originally Posted by Patsy ->
Its not petty to be hurt, its a bit like people that worry, cant be helped can it - going through it at the moment, hard to switch off .....
I was not trying to suggest it was petty to be hurt, as I said above.

Originally Posted by Meg ->

I do 'hold a grudge' in as much as I can never forgive the actions of a couple of people who treated me very badly but I have put their actions aside and not allowed them to make me bitter. Neither do I dwell on what happened, I don't even think about it now but the slate is not wiped clean, how can it be when their actions had a detrimental effect on my life.
I'm sorry to hear that, Meg, but I'm not sure I would have defined that as holding a grudge until reading your definition. I'm not sure that not being able to forgive is the same as holding a grudge?

Can of worms...
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24-10-2013, 01:57 PM
33

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Yep - a bit confusing. To me holding a grudge is a very strong emotion, no giving way, the person doesn't want to hear what the other has to say and it usually ends in being vindictive too .....
Just very unpleasant, I have known a couple of people like that, they tend to be this way with whoever upsets them, so it may be an inbuilt reaction. I wanted out of knowing them !
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24-10-2013, 03:44 PM
34

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Originally Posted by orangutan ->
I'm not sure I would have defined that as holding a grudge until reading your definition. I'm not sure that not being able to forgive is the same as holding a grudge?

Can of worms...
It's certainly a tricky one!

There are people I will never speak to again but unless I see them or someone mentions them, I don't think about them from one day to the next but, if I do see them, I can feel anger welling up again! It's most likely the lack of resolution. I often envied a friend of mine; when anyone offended her, she'd say f*** 'em and that was it! Wish I was like that.
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24-10-2013, 03:50 PM
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Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

We're sensitive souls I guess, the hurt is the hardest thing to put to sleep ....
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24-10-2013, 04:03 PM
36

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

I always forgive, for my own peace of mind...........but I'm not always able to forget.

In my view, you have to do both. I try tho.
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24-10-2013, 04:05 PM
37

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

So do I RJ - I also try to forget they existed - all very hard to do ....
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24-10-2013, 04:09 PM
38

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Originally Posted by Robert Junior ->
I always forgive, for my own peace of mind...........but I'm not always able to forget.

In my view, you have to do both. I try tho.
Forget? I think not Robert, we need to learn from our mistakes if we forget when we have been wronged we stand to make the same mistakes again.

I can never forget but am reconciled within myself that what is done is done and I have let it go .
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24-10-2013, 04:18 PM
39

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

A very good point Meg - I have learnt and I will not make the same mistake .....
 
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