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effingpot
Senior Member
effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
effingpot is male  effingpot has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
13-03-2021, 06:55 PM
1

Mental Health Hotline

Here's an old one from the '90s ..... still makes me smile



Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship in orbit around the Earth.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the voice’s will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
macywack's Avatar
macywack
Senior Member
macywack is offline
north west, england
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 642
macywack is male  macywack has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
13-03-2021, 08:02 PM
2

Re: Mental Health Hotline

before you even start, put plug in and press on
keezoy
Senior Member
keezoy is offline
Australia
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 3,579
keezoy is male  keezoy has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
14-03-2021, 05:52 AM
3

Re: Mental Health Hotline

I worked in mental health for most of my professional life. So I am more than a bit familiar with the sometimes incredibly intense pain, stigma, loneliness and misery mental illness and dementia causes those who suffer from it and their families. Lighten up?..No sense of humour??... I like to have a laugh and I find fun and humour in many things. But I have to say that your post, to me at least, is about as funny as a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.... No offence though. I'm not knocking you as a person. I don't know you. Just knocking your post
 

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