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Primus1
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11-02-2020, 11:01 PM
1291

Re: Let's have a laugh

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says, "Dude, I'm Jesus Christ!" And the priest says, "No son, you're not." So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, "Man, I'm Jesus Christ!" Then the priest says, "No son, you're not." Finally, the drunk had enough and said, "Here, I'll prove it." He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, "Jesus Christ, you're back AGAIN?"
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11-02-2020, 11:04 PM
1292

Re: Let's have a laugh

A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions. He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a sexual favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a bl*wjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."
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12-02-2020, 10:12 PM
1293

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says, "Dude, I'm Jesus Christ!" And the priest says, "No son, you're not." So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, "Man, I'm Jesus Christ!" Then the priest says, "No son, you're not." Finally, the drunk had enough and said, "Here, I'll prove it." He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, "Jesus Christ, you're back AGAIN?"
Both Absolutely Brilliant!!! LOL

I am pinching these!!

Thanks
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Primus1
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12-02-2020, 11:16 PM
1294

Re: Let's have a laugh

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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12-02-2020, 11:18 PM
1295

Re: Let's have a laugh

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oi, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."
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Primus1
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12-02-2020, 11:20 PM
1296

Re: Let's have a laugh

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
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14-02-2020, 03:52 AM
1297

Re: Let's have a laugh

A Happy Valentine's message...


A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text....*
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.*
If you are laughing send me your smile.*
if you are eating send me a bite.*
If you are drinking send me a sip.*
If you are crying send me your tears.*
I Love you."*
He replied ....*

"I am on the toilet. What should I do?"
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14-02-2020, 08:29 PM
1298

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy ->
A Happy Valentine's message...


A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text....*
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.*
If you are laughing send me your smile.*
if you are eating send me a bite.*
If you are drinking send me a sip.*
If you are crying send me your tears.*
I Love you."*
He replied ....*

"I am on the toilet. What should I do?"
Hilarious!!!! love it -- pinching it!!
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gasman
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15-02-2020, 12:27 AM
1299

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy ->
A Happy Valentine's message...


A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text....*
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.*
If you are laughing send me your smile.*
if you are eating send me a bite.*
If you are drinking send me a sip.*
If you are crying send me your tears.*
I Love you."*
He replied ....*

"I am on the toilet. What should I do?"
Brilliant
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Judd
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18-02-2020, 06:07 PM
1300

Re: Let's have a laugh

I’m not saying that Liverpool’s a shithole, but there’s a guy on the market there selling fake Primark gear.
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