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Richmond
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01-01-2020, 05:50 PM
1161

Re: Let's have a laugh

Origin of internet terminology:

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.
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01-01-2020, 06:57 PM
1162

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Origin of internet terminology:

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.
Clever.
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Richmond
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Posts: 1,351
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03-01-2020, 04:51 PM
1163

Re: Let's have a laugh

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
A realist sees a freight train
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
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04-01-2020, 05:36 AM
1164

Re: Let's have a laugh

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05-01-2020, 03:56 PM
1165

Re: Let's have a laugh

My son is taking part in a social experiment, he's wearing a Jeremy Corbyn hat. So far he's been punched, kicked, and spit on....

It'll be interesting to see what reactions he gets when he wears it outside our house.
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05-01-2020, 04:08 PM
1166

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
My son is taking part in a social experiment, he's wearing a Jeremy Corbyn hat. So far he's been punched, kicked, and spit on....

It'll be interesting to see what reactions he gets when he wears it outside our house.
I like that.
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Richmond
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06-01-2020, 10:12 PM
1167

Re: Let's have a laugh

Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.

‘Aye, it’s all going like magic,’ says Jock.

‘I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night...’

Archie nods approvingly.

‘Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continues Jock.

‘A kilt?’ exclaims Archie, ‘That’s grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartin?’

‘Ach,’ says Jock, ‘I imagine she’ll be in white.’

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lip

Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! .. I'M A LIGHT BULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says “You know what I want, don't you?

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole 'friggin' bed by the looks of it!"

-
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Richmond
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Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,351
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06-01-2020, 10:14 PM
1168

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
My son is taking part in a social experiment, he's wearing a Jeremy Corbyn hat. So far he's been punched, kicked, and spit on....

It'll be interesting to see what reactions he gets when he wears it outside our house.
Good One!! LOL
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JBR
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07-01-2020, 12:51 AM
1169

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.

‘Aye, it’s all going like magic,’ says Jock.

‘I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night...’

Archie nods approvingly.

‘Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continues Jock.

‘A kilt?’ exclaims Archie, ‘That’s grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartin?’

‘Ach,’ says Jock, ‘I imagine she’ll be in white.’

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lip

Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! .. I'M A LIGHT BULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo----- -------

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says “You know what I want, don't you?

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole 'friggin' bed by the looks of it!"

-
Ooh, such language, Richmond! How could you?
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Judd
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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Posts: 12,538
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07-01-2020, 05:11 PM
1170

Re: Let's have a laugh

A woman came into the mortuary today and said, "The police told me my son has crashed his superbike into a steamroller. Can I identify him please?"

"Probably not," the attendant replied.
 
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