Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Bless you Willow for being so honest. My mother in law who is 84 seems to be getting towards the stage that we will have to look after her and I am dreading it.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Surely it is best to find alternative accommodation for an elderly relative, like a care home, if the idea of looking after them is dreaded? I would never in a million years have looked after my in-laws, as I didn't like them, nor did my husband for that matter!

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Oh dear you make me laugh. My mother in law would just hate the idea of a care home, the lady isn't really a person I dislike although we have little in common but what I dread is the fact that she probably has cancer and I have heard many unhappy stories about people looking after folk with cancer.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

My mother hated the idea of a care home and thought one of her four girls was going to be stupid enough to put her up! Anyway she is in a home now, which costs almost as
much as the national dept per week. She is well looked after.

I am of the opinion that children should not be expected to care for their elderly parents, especially when they are likely to be getting on in years themselves.

My husband and I have just moved in with our eldest for hopefully no more than four weeks as we have sold our property, and are waiting for the new purchase to go through. We are doing our best to be good house guests, we do all the chores and keep out of the way when she is dealing with parishioners (she is a vicar). I am sure she will breathe a sigh of relief when we are installed in our new abode.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

I am with you every way Willow, I just don't think children should be responsible for us. I have made this clear to my own lot. My husbands mother seems to think that it is the reason she had children. My husband is adopted and he has a foster brother and she makes them feel that they owe her a lot.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time Sue. Life sure can test us sometimes. I think it makes us appreciate the important things in life too, such as our dogs.

*hug*

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Well the driver didn't turn up today to take her to day care, and I got no reply from the office. Have been so depressed all day, and really felt like just walking out. I had a sleep from 4-6pm just to try and de=stress but I just dreamed about the situation.

I can't even appreciate my dog Azz, because I can't take him out for walks, I am wondering if he should be rehomed as he's not getting the exercise.

As to my other dog, who lives with my sister in the next town, I haven't seen her since early April....

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

My husband's mother, kept telling him over the years how disappointed she was he wasn't a girl as it would have been his duty to look after them in their old age!

We have two adopted sons with special needs, they don't owe us anything, it was our choice to adopt them.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Sue I am sorry to hear of you predicament (((hugs))) .

My stepmother developed Alzheimer's. Dad looked after her and I went up every school holiday to help and to give Dad a break. She was a nightmare and not safe to be left alone. I wouldn't have minded if she had been my own mother but she wasn't and had been very cruel to me when I was a child.
I resented having to care for her but consoled myself with the thought that nothing lasts forever.

Dad used to get 'Crossroads' to come and help a couple of times a week, they were a real lifeline for him.

I wouldn't re home your Dog, I am sure it must bring comfort to you as mine did to me during the bad times. xx

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

I think if there has ever been any dysfunction in the family, then it is not good idea for the children to care for the elderly parents. There is too much at stake.

If my mother went into a care home then this house would have to be sold. And neither I nor my sister want that, as it has been in the family for over 30 years, was originally my grandmother's house and is the only thing we will ever inherit (it is put in trust to us until mum's death but could be sold to fund a care home).

This sounds less mercenary when I say how my grandmother was the only positive influence in my life for a long time and loved me (us) unconditionally, which both my sister and I have never felt we had from our parents. I suffered more as the eldest and took a lot of flak which I protected her from.

I am penniless and would be homeless if I wasn't living here - my sister in is divorce proceedings and will lose her house soon [but will have enough capital to rent somewhere]. My mother always wanted my sister to look after her in her old age - NOT ME!!! - but with the way her health has deteriorated, even my sis is having second thoughts, seeing my struggles.

And as for me - I've always known I am the worst person on earth to care for my mother due to my own issues and the dysfunctionality, and lack of self esteem which came directly from my mother.

So this is doubly hard for me - coping with the past, coping with the present, and also trying to adapt to life as a prisoner.