Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

I totally agree it is as much a drug as some thing like cannabis.
Thank you for telling your story Cate, I can fully understand how someone who once loved their spouse only to find they turned into nothing more than a monster, and really it is an illness and nothing more.
When a person knows they have a drink problem and doesn't admit it, then they have a problem and should seek help.
I wish I had never have taken a drink in my life, for I was just to point where it depressed me, thankfully I wasn't aggressive just the opposite.
Thankfully I was ill and given a drug which was dangerous, and it left me no option, a blessing in disguise.
I was lucky to be blessed with a strong will power and I stopped it overnight , and that was 12 years ago now.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

Thanks for that Wrinkley,
I had second thoughts as soon as I had hit the submit button. I do feel so strongly about alcohol and know very well from not only my personal life but the lives with people I have worked with in psychiatric hospitals. Alcohol should never be taken lightly.

The odd thing is that when people smoke weed I am told they get mellow and chilled out quite the opposite of the demon drink. Yet weed is considered dangerous and illegal and yet you can drink as much as you like when you are 18.

It is interesting to note that kids cannot drink until they are 21 in America. Looking at some of the Saturday night fiasco's outside pubs maybe the law could be changed.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

Cate, that must have taken a lot of courage for you to share your horrific story with us. I'm so pleased that you have been able to rebuild your life and find the happiness you deserve.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

That means a lot to me Mags. I am very happy now and my children are all grown and have lives of their own. Unfortunately alcohol still raises it's ugly head.

My second husband and I rarely drink he might have a beer to celebrate when his football team win and I might have a ginger wine at Christmas. Life is good but the scars are still there. I can't stand pubs or anyone who has had too much alcohol.

My first husband died last Christmas Eve he was a diabetic type 2 who would not take any medication but still drank a bottle of Jack Daniels regularly.

Someone once told me that no matter what I did he would never stop drinking because he never loved me enough or even his children. He died a sad and bitter man, he never spoke to two of our children only our youngest son would have anything to do with him.

As I said to Wrinkley I was very worried when I had pressed the submit reply. People don't always want to hear a depressing story but I think it is important to let everyone know that alcohol blights many lives and it shouldn't be taken lightly or joked about.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

Cate, I imagine what you went through all those years ago will leave a scar within forever and maybe it's good for you to talk about it as it releases any pent up anger that slowly builds up as far as alcohol is concerned.

We should definitely have tighter rules as far as alcohol is concerned, it is so easy to get hold of these days even for youngsters.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

I so agree. I think the pent up anger was there when I was writing my first post, I didn't think I would actually submit it but there it is.

So many youngsters buy cheap booze before they go out in the evening some are quite drunk before the evening starts. I see no reason why alcohol should be so cheap except like cigarettes the government get a great deal of tax from it.

Also of course there are the cheap liquor runs to France where so much cheap wine and beer can be purchased.

I don't think the old fashioned pub really has a chance which is a shame they all seem to be turning in restaurants, children are allowed in these places and get to hear the people drinking getting louder and louder.

I have worked the night shift in an A&E and it is horrible. Kids coming in with all kinds of wounds, but mostly just too much alcohol. Children are now getting alcoholic poisoning.

I don't understand why booze just isn't taken seriously as the menace it is.
Any other product that caused personality changes, injuries, illness, death surely would be banned. I hate to see that the world is looking at us as a nation of yobs and drunks.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

Cate, I admire the courage you found to post your story but I can not understand why women stay with a man who abuses them
In my eyes the lowest form of life is a man who hits women, I ended up in court because of one(another story).

I do agree with you about drink not being taken seriously as drugs and other dangerous substances are.
I can not understand why the police just send drunks on their way home when they should lock them up for the night when it could make the person realise what a fool they are.

As for teenage drinking, it has gone on since alcohol was discovered and will continue unless something is done about it.

There should be zero tolerance to drink offenders.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

I always preferred quality over quantity, so was NEVER a beer drinker (I have a far too sweet tooth for beer anyway). A few 'tots' of Vodka, Rum or Brandy is fine by me. In the summer a refreshing G&T is just the ticket.

Some years ago I used to make my own wines from fresh ingredients which meant wandering the hedgerows to see what was available and bringing back sufficient quantities to brew a gallon or two. When brewed and filtered and bottled in gallon demi-johns it was not unknown for me to lay on my settee with the demi-john on the floor beside my head and a length of plastic piping in my mouth sucking in the wine. As I was laying down, I couldn't fall any further. Regrettably have now had to cease this past-time as Arthritis has put paid to my wandering the hedgerows anymore and I can no longer pick up gallon jugs of liquid without putting strain on and hence pain in my hips and knees.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

Dear Cate
I would like to thank you for being so frank and having the courage to share your experience of how alcohol can have such a devastating affect, not only on those for who it becomes a problem, but also for the damage it can do to families. I am sure you will know that you are not the only one to have gone through such heartbreak.
I don't know what the answer is and as others have said the results of too much alcohol and dependence on it are not new problems. - Possibly we should raise the age limit to 21 and people should be billed for treatment if they end up in A & E through being the worse for wear after drinking. Maybe society as a whole is too tolerant.
We all know people who have or have had problems with alcohol. At the moment we have a relative who is going through a personal hell. - Job, marriage and family have been lost through drinking and she has had problems so severe that they have resulted in her being taken into psychiatric care. Her problems are complex, but thankfully, she is now receiving the help she needs, although I think it will be a long hard road to recovery and happiness.
What I think is difficult for the individual and others is to recognise when drinking crosses over from being a controllable and pleasurable thing and changes into a nightmare which can ruin lives. Personally, I think there must be personality traits and/or events in life which pre-dispose people and act as triggers making them vulnerable to addiction - I think other types of addiction are similar.

Re: Alcohol Adiction/Dependency

[QUOTE=Antibrown;173466]Cate, I admire the courage you found to post your story but I can not understand why women stay with a man who abuses them
In my eyes the lowest form of life is a man who hits women, I ended up in court because of one(another story).

I do agree with you about drink not being taken seriously as drugs and other dangerous substances are.
I can not understand why the police just send drunks on their way home when they should lock them up for the night when it could make the person realise what a fool they are.

As for teenage drinking, it has gone on since alcohol was discovered and will continue unless something is done about it.[end quote]

This question has popped up so many times particularly from my own children. Why did you stay with him?

Well first of all I loved him very much. Secondly for the first few years he was a sweet man we had a very happy social life lots of friends who loved being around him and me.

However, looking back I realise that although I am a bit of nutter by nature and love to be around people he needed to be just a little tipsy to enjoy socialising.

He was a man with no confidence. Most bullies are.

As time went on the social drinking turned from not just a weekend thing to dropping off at the pub every night or even starting arguments so that he could storm out.

I had no family to turn to I was a foster child and my foster parents were dead.

I didn't even see what was there except a stupid loyalty which stopped me from talking to our friends and get help he was my only family.

Of course as time went on he began to knock all self confidence out of me. I describe myself as a bicycle left out in the rain to rust.

I put on weight, I lost interest in me. I had to work to keep a roof over our heads and time just marches on.

We lived abroad for much of our marriage in the Caribbean where his family were and in the US where his brother lived.
They were also into heavy drinking but they had not become violent. However, even when he hit his own mother they didn't do anything. They just made excuses for him.

When I did have the courage to leave him in America and come home with two of my children, when he promised to change I allowed him to come to the new house I had managed to get in England. I stayed throught it all because I couldn't see a way out until I had managed to put some money away and Virgin Atlantic offered flights from New York to London for $199.

My daughter left home in disgust and true to form he only managed to stop drinking for 6 months and he was just as bad again if not much worse.

This may show you what a hold these evil men have over women out of the 22 years of marriage about 1/4 of which was abusive. I did not contact the police either in the Caribbean, United States or England plus I always remained faithfull because as he put it I was worthless.