Re: Jokes for blokes

I'm in deep trouble.

My fiancée has found out about my girlfriend and they're both on their way to my house.

I'd better send the wife to the shops or something.

Re: Jokes for blokes

On a visit to London, an Australian applied for a job as a royal footman. Armed with his references from his previous job, he went along to the interview, where he was asked to drop his trousers.

Seeing the Australian's puzzled expression, the interviewer explained, "Don't worry, it's merely a formality. You see, footmen are often required to wear kilts when accompanying the Queen to Balmoral, so we like to examine the knees of applicants to check for any unsightly scars."

The Aussie duly dropped his trousers to allow his knees to be inspected.

"Excellent," said the interviewer. "Now could you show me your testimonials?"

Thirty seconds later, the Aussie found himself lying in the corridor, nursing a black eye.

"Strewth," he said, picking himself up and dusting himself down. "I reckon I'd have got that job if I'd known the lingo a little better."

Re: Jokes for blokes

A man was sitting in a bar looking depressed, when a woman approached and asked him what was wrong. He told her sadly that his girlfriend just left him and, after some pressuring, admitted that it was because he was just too kinky for her.

"What a coincidence!" exclaimed the woman. "My boyfriend just left me for the same reason."

The two hit it off and, after a few drinks, decided to go back to her place as it was nearer.

The woman left the man alone in the living room and disappeared into the bedroom. After ten minutes she reappeared dressed in full leather and chains, with whip and gag in hand, only to see the man about to leave.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "I thought you were kinky."

"I am," he replied. "I shagged your cat and just took a shit in your handbag. I'm off home now."

Re: Jokes for blokes

@ Sir JBR

Re: Jokes for blokes

Thank you, but I feel you are a little premature. I have not been awarded my KCB.

Yet.

Re: Jokes for blokes

This maths test can predict your favourite film. Not sure how it works but it does. Mine was Star Wars.

DON'T PEEP!

Pick a number between 1 and 9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3 to that number.
Multiply by 3 again.
Add the 2 digits together.

Now discover your favourite film from the list below

3. Oliver Twist.

4. Star Wars.

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Saving Private Ryan.

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The Art of Buggery With Oiled-Up Lady Boys.

10. Mary Poppins.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Wow, how strange.

I tried several different numbers and the result was always 'The Art of Buggery With Oiled-Up Lady Boys'!

Now how could it possibly know?

Re: Jokes for blokes

My son was sent home from school for swearing.
I said to him, "What did you say?"

He replied, "I used the C word."

I said, "That wasn't clever, was it?"

"No," he said. "It was c**t."

Re: Jokes for blokes

The teacher draws a penis on the board, then asks, "Does anyone know what this is?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has two of them: a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitter's teeth."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Very clever. I got Jaws which is spot on but then I was always crap at maths.