I saw this bloke with a didgeridoo. He was playing "Dancing Queen" on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal!"
Went into a pet shop and said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The bloke said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
Bought some Armageddon brand cheese today. It said on the packet, "Best before End".
I was reading this book, "The History of Glue". I couldn't put it down.
This cowboy walks into a German car showroom, and says, "Audi!"