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gumbud
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australia
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29-10-2017, 12:30 AM
3321

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

joke of the week award!

Condom on cigarette

Joan and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Joan: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Joan: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a couple of boxes of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, well over 85 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
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29-10-2017, 08:25 AM
3322

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

The Chief's son said to his Father, why are you called Sitting Bull? The Chief replied, well, in this society, males are named after the first event witnessed after their birth, anyway, what makes you ask, Twodogs Shagging.
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Jem
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29-10-2017, 01:54 PM
3323

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

[QUOTE=gumbud.
'was your friend related to big chief sitting bull cos there's a lot of that around here too'

Thanks for them laughs lads.

Yes plenty of bullshit about, I have noticed that too Gummy, actually I prefer to deal in drivel and codswallop, bullshit is stock in trade for politicians, when a party political broadcast was about to start on TV my old Dad would shake his head and say 'Oh no, not another bullshit bulletin'.
RJ is the one for Native American stories, sure wasn't his Uncle Vivian a blood brother to Cold Cheeese the renegade brave (I can't spell his name but that's what it sounds like to me)
They do have such colourful names though, and each name has a meaning, wasn't it Oscar Wilde who explained that each Indian name is connected to some event or happening about the time of their birth, take Passing Cloud, a beautiful white cloud passed over the sun on the day his mother gave birth to him, or even Sitting Bull, when he was born in a field a great big Bison lay sleeping in the tall grass, 'He who walks with Snails' had his mother in labour for two days, and when he grew up he missed out on the battle of little big horn because it took him to long to mount his horse.
Actually when I was born it was a Summers afternoon and a cool flower scented breeze drifted in from Dublin bay, and the mother called me Jem!!
No imagination them Dublin women back then.
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29-10-2017, 09:43 PM
3324

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

well I was born in the freezing January of '43 at home caesarian entry - how they kept the bedroom warm I don't know wot with those tiny fireplaces - and I've had to face the world quite squarely ever since and spent many a cold January morn deliverin bloody newspapers to earn a dime - rode through the snow to school constantly and fell off a few times - now wot would the red Indians call a guy like that - don't worry already ducked.

how about big chief freezing balls??
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29-10-2017, 09:48 PM
3325

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Is it possible, to have a frosted totem pole, and Betty swallocks?
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29-10-2017, 09:57 PM
3326

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Had I been born a Native American my name would probably be 'He who makes rocks shine', but I have to settle for Dublin Bay Jem.
Dublin Bay prawns, never ate them, I hate that kind of sea food, crabs and winkles, yuk!

Reminds me of that old prawn story.
Alan and Christian were two matey prawns, they got along great together and would have been very happy if it were not for them being harrassed by a nasty hammerhead shark every day. Eventually Alan said he'd had enough of it and he was going to ask God to turn him into a bigger shark so he could chase the hammerhead away forever, his wish was granted and next morning he was a fine mature male shark, he duly chased the hammerhead away and went back to his old mate Christian, but Christian was terrified of him and hid under a big rock every time the shark came near.
Alan soon felt isolated and very lonely, he became depressed and eventually pleaded with God to turn him back into a prawn, God took pity on the lonely creature and restored him to his former self. Alan was delighted and rushed to meet his lifelong friend crying out in a joyous voice 'Look at me! I'm a prawn again Christian'

Is there a back door here where I can creep out?
Anyway I'm off for a pint with me darlin' wife, see you all tomorrow.
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30-10-2017, 01:06 PM
3327

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

watching deep river monsters -catching lampreys who suck everything out of you! sounds like my wife!!
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31-10-2017, 10:26 PM
3328

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

It is better for a soul mate to Absorb you, rather than Suck you, in the long run, maybe?
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31-10-2017, 11:43 PM
3329

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Originally Posted by spitfire ->
It is better for a soul mate to Absorb you, rather than Suck you, in the long run, maybe?
Quit talking dirty Spitty
gumbud
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01-11-2017, 05:13 AM
3330

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

the last time one of my soul mates absorbs me it was quite scary I disappeared into a dark abyss and came around blowing bubbles - the ambulance crew had to give me oxygen and one of them said " the next time you do that you'll be a gonna - they have means of squeezing the life out ya"!

they said " ya only meant to do it once in ya life and then they slap ya bottom too!!"
 
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