06-03-2018, 05:14 PM
641
Re: Jokes for blokes
LD when I get stuck I scroll back to the earlier years when I would get joke posts everyday and rerun them if I still think they are funny.This one came from 2007.
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo.
Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hit the cow.
Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.
"Is it alright?" asked Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'am, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later he came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.
"Oh my god, what happened to you?" Victoria exclaimed.
"Well ma'am," explained the driver, "the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"Just what the hell did you say to them?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
06-03-2018, 05:18 PM
642
Re: Jokes for blokes
Another from 2007...Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Daily News comes this story of a Walsall couple who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the car park. The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The RAC mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
07-03-2018, 12:37 PM
645
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Longdogs
->
Me neither but I also couldn't remember where I had parked the cat yesterday. Thanks LFellow.
08-03-2018, 08:11 PM
647
Re: Jokes for blokes
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote".
09-03-2018, 10:30 AM
648
Re: Jokes for blokes
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward,Then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... Back and forth...
Back and forth..... In and out.......She could feel the sweat on her forehead,
between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting
near to the end. Her heart was pounding..... Her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you smug bugger!!!"
09-03-2018, 10:47 AM
649
Re: Jokes for blokes
A THAILAND LOVE STORYA man was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend
in a hotel in the Thai resort of Phuket.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just
rubbing his testicles - something she loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do
you love doing that so much?"
"Because", she replied, "I really miss mine."
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it.. lol
09-03-2018, 12:09 PM
650
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by longfellow
->
A THAILAND LOVE STORYA man was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend
in a hotel in the Thai resort of Phuket.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just
rubbing his testicles - something she loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do
you love doing that so much?"
"Because", she replied, "I really miss mine."
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it.. lol
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