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effingpot
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Hampshire, UK
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13-09-2020, 06:37 PM
91

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Another wooden ball!
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
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Judd
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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13-09-2020, 10:15 PM
92

Re: One liners and short jokes!

I paid a carpenter upfront to make me a double bed and the bastard's done a bunk.
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Percy Vere
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Wilds and woolly wastes of Staffordshire, UK
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16-09-2020, 04:03 PM
93

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Confucius Did Not Say:
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
And, Confucius Did Not Say ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
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gasman
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Kent, UK
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Posts: 3,362
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16-09-2020, 10:50 PM
94

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Originally Posted by Percy Vere ->
Confucius Did Not Say:
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
And, Confucius Did Not Say ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Nicked
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Percy Vere
Senior Member
Percy Vere is offline
Wilds and woolly wastes of Staffordshire, UK
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17-09-2020, 03:44 PM
95

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Originally Posted by gasman ->
Nicked
No probs, I nicked it myself
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effingpot
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Hampshire, UK
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18-09-2020, 01:36 PM
96

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
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effingpot
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effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
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Posts: 105
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18-09-2020, 01:38 PM
97

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Dyslexics of the world, untie!
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gasman
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Kent, UK
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19-09-2020, 11:18 PM
98

Re: One liners and short jokes!

My young, virginal dyslexic friend got married the other day and I gave him a book entitled 'The joy of sox'
realspeed
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South coast
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19-09-2020, 11:25 PM
99

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Just bought Sue a plane ticket to Australia, don't know how she is getting back home
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South coast
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24-09-2020, 09:01 PM
100

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Sue said that when I die she will dance on my grave.
I want to be buried at sea
 
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