25-06-2021, 08:54 AM
51
Re: Dealing with a liar.
Originally Posted by pauline3
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Art,in a way I was, but I don’t really want to bore you ,with all that I did for her, I did it out of love.She actually wanted me to be her carer, as she’s on disability allowance..I very nearly committed, but couldn’t at that time , I was working elsewhere,cleaning.
It actually came up quite a few times, being her carer..
I can now see, why it never happened, I see things much more differently than a lot of members on here.
She would have done my head in, this was the second time we had fallen out...each time she told me to leave,...I did send her a message on messenger, which she never read, plus she has blocked me.
I guess the “ truth” really hurt..I’m in touch with her other friend...but she doesn’t want to talk about her lies either.
Not that I asked her to...the lying is between her and me, best not to get others involved. I just messaged her saying sorry that she was involved with our argument.
So in a nutshell..she has “ swept it under the carpet”..unable to deal with it.
She has a long history of lying...she believes her own lies and is in her own reality...
We knew each other through church..nearly 30 yrs ago...then we met again in the same church around 17 months ago.
I was too weak to confront over things she said to me in my 30s....but found the strength to come out with it all on that Sunday, as well as other stuff that she had been feeding me over those months.
My mind is extremely strong now..i won’t be in a situation where she twists,turns, manipulates everything around...she couldn’t deal with the questioning from me..I see that now.
She’s in her own bubble..felt threatened I was about to burst it, by speaking out the truth....my light bulb moment came.
When she said in front of her friend......” I never said that”....well,I know she did...not just the once either...as I told her friend..we have conflicting spirits.
I knew you might have cared for her in the past as you are a caring person to those who need care.
I am sorry, she has turned on you like this.
25-06-2021, 09:42 AM
52
Re: Dealing with a liar.
Originally Posted by pauline3
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So in a nutshell..she has “ swept it under the carpet”..unable to deal with it.
She has a long history of lying...she believes her own lies and is in her own reality...
.
These types of people are very manipulative and will ask lots of questions about you in order to know how to manipulate you and push your buttons.
Of course they brush it under the carpet. Bringing up their lies is like showing the cross to a vampire. Lies are the foundation of their life. It’s what they use to get what they want so bringing these lies up and confronting them isn’t something they are willing to do and they will get very frustrated and annoyed while trying to make you feel guilty for bringing it up. Confronting their pretentious manipulative ways threatens them to the core which they may strongly retaliate against.
Dealing with a compulsive liar is very frustrating. You can end up second guessing yourself. They will wear on your self confidence and make you question yourself. They prefer their victims to be somewhat dependent on them for something to help establish a stronger bond. It’s seems to help establish a trust ‘for’ them.
Dealing with compulsive liars is TOXIC.
25-06-2021, 10:27 AM
53
Re: Dealing with a liar.
Originally Posted by Artangel
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Pauline, l must point out that l have edited my previous post as spellchecker changed ‘carer’ into ‘career’! I knew you might have cared for her in the past as you are a caring person to those who need care.
I am sorry, she has turned on you like this.
I have to understand that she had a horrendous upbringing, I know I judged her harshly, which I know I shouldn’t have.
I’m only human.
Everything came out on that Sunday, all the past stuff as well, which I had kept in for all of those years....I believe it was all meant to come out.....let’s hope it got her thinking....she has also caused havoc in people’s lives...but can’t say to much on that.
But,I can’t keep making excuses for her compulsive lying, I still love her as a sister, I have to distance myself from her ,as the friendship is toxic,....but I can still love and forgive her..🙏
Bitterness has no place in my heart...that was uprooted a while back.
26-06-2021, 10:47 AM
56
Re: Dealing with a liar.
Originally Posted by pauline3
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I have to understand that she had a horrendous upbringing, I know I judged her harshly, which I know I shouldn’t have.I’m only human.
Everything came out on that Sunday, all the past stuff as well, which I had kept in for all of those years....I believe it was all meant to come out.....let’s hope it got her thinking....she has also caused havoc in people’s lives...but can’t say to much on that.
But,I can’t keep making excuses for her compulsive lying, I still love her as a sister, I have to distance myself from her ,as the friendship is toxic,....but I can still love and forgive her..🙏
Bitterness has no place in my heart...that was uprooted a while back.
26-06-2021, 11:44 AM
57
Re: Dealing with a liar.
Originally Posted by Dextrous63
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It's good that you can reason and explain why she is what she is and does what she does if that helps you come to terms with it and forgive, but that doesn't mean you need to excuse her.
No, I absolutely agree.
That was my problem, I kept make excuses, not just for her either.
I’ve had to figure that one out..why I kept doing that...” excusing her and others”
It’s been figured out at last.
27-06-2021, 09:29 AM
58
Re: Dealing with a liar.
My letting go of stuff with my Mother has almost gone, somethings you cannot possibly wipe out but except things were out of your control. Without actually making a drama series an example of the type she was..She passed a couple of years ago ,no date as not wanting to remember either.My Dad had a chance to save his life with surgery from Stomach Cancer. He never was the same man again and had to have a special diet which was not really enjoyable. He did take up Painting by numbers and progressed within weeks to 'proper painting' his talent was amazing..
One day My Mother had yet another argument with my Sister this time.
My Mother got hysterical and said to Dad I have pains in my chest and he called an ambulance for her. She was taken in and had lots of tests and told us girls that, yes, she had suffered a heart attack. Later she said it as a major one, but they have let her home the same day as Dad is so ill...
I rest my case..Start of the beginnings. Dad died in 2000, bless him and I moved from my home area to Bexhill on Sea. She now hated me for that and so it went on and on, until she died. Thing is I could not change any of it at time.
Obviously I can feel for Pauline's horried situation..
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