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Penthouse in Essex overlooking the Thames.
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01-09-2018, 08:43 PM
1

Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

One day, Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the watertrap.

But just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down to the water, and eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws.

The eagle flies off, and when it is over the green, a lighting bolt shoots from the sky and hits the eagle. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus turns to the old man and says, “Dad, if you don’t quit playing like that, we’re not going to bring you next time.”
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01-09-2018, 09:06 PM
2

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Originally Posted by longfellow ->
Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

One day, Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the watertrap.

But just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down to the water, and eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws.

The eagle flies off, and when it is over the green, a lighting bolt shoots from the sky and hits the eagle. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus turns to the old man and says, “Dad, if you don’t quit playing like that, we’re not going to bring you next time.”


I like it!
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Penthouse in Essex overlooking the Thames.
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01-09-2018, 09:31 PM
3

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Thanks JB.
Try this one then I just came across them earlier.
++++++++++

After getting all of the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo – and he doesn’t travel light – the chauffeur notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the chauffeur, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the chauffeur.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the chauffeur gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried chauffeur, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the chauffeur.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop.

The Chief then asked, “Who ya got there, the Mayor?”

“Bigger.”

“Governor?” The Chief asked.

“Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

“I think it’s God!” the cop exclaimed.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well for one thing, he’s got the Pope as a chauffeur.”
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01-09-2018, 09:43 PM
4

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Originally Posted by longfellow ->
Thanks JB.
Try this one then I just came across them earlier.
++++++++++

After getting all of the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo – and he doesn’t travel light – the chauffeur notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the chauffeur, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the chauffeur.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the chauffeur gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried chauffeur, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the chauffeur.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop.

The Chief then asked, “Who ya got there, the Mayor?”

“Bigger.”

“Governor?” The Chief asked.

“Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

“I think it’s God!” the cop exclaimed.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well for one thing, he’s got the Pope as a chauffeur.”


For some reason, religious jokes are always the best.
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01-09-2018, 10:31 PM
5

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Originally Posted by longfellow ->
Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

One day, Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the watertrap.

But just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down to the water, and eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws.

The eagle flies off, and when it is over the green, a lighting bolt shoots from the sky and hits the eagle. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus turns to the old man and says, “Dad, if you don’t quit playing like that, we’re not going to bring you next time.”
It's not God .... the eagle is the Bald Eagle and so represents the USA ... the lightning bolt hitting the Bald Eagle is some enemy Trump's threatened to nuke and they've got in first .... Trump, as the fish, hits the ground, defeated, but all is not lost as he then gets a 'hole in one' cos he's out playing golf whilst war rages.
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North Wales
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01-09-2018, 10:41 PM
6

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Originally Posted by morticia ->
it's not god .... The eagle is the bald eagle and so represents the usa ... The lightning bolt hitting the bald eagle is some enemy trump's threatened to nuke and they've got in first .... Trump, as the fish, hits the ground, defeated, but all is not lost as he then gets a 'hole in one' cos he's out playing golf whilst war rages.
:
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australia
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02-09-2018, 12:36 AM
7

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

Originally Posted by Morticia ->
It's not God .... the eagle is the Bald Eagle and so represents the USA ... the lightning bolt hitting the Bald Eagle is some enemy Trump's threatened to nuke and they've got in first .... Trump, as the fish, hits the ground, defeated, but all is not lost as he then gets a 'hole in one' cos he's out playing golf whilst war rages.
yuz very very smart Mort - but I always said that!
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02-09-2018, 10:46 PM
8

Re: Moses, Jesus, And An Old Man Go Golfing.

These are really cute.
 

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