Family disagreement

Hi all. Currently my Mother and I are not speaking due to her asking me to not disclose that she left me and my sister's and one brother when we were very young I was five the oldest the other kids much younger. We were all left at a babysitters home only to have our dad pick us up take us home and found that my mother had left all of us girls four of us and had taken our brother with her he was only four months old. We got him back again when he was15 months old and that's only because she went to visit her parents home and my grandmother got him back to us. She's asked that I not tell anyone what happened none of her friends know what she did and she's told me when asked to not say anything and to say that she raised us and that I only have one sister. All of which is lies. I finally got fed up with covering up for her and decided that until she tells the truth and own up to what she did to her children that I am going on with my life without her. This hurts me to make this decision as she has been fighting colon cancer for 8 years now. But recently she asked me to lie to a very close friend of hers and some one who has always been good to her and I both. Am I wrong in staying away? Input welcome. Thanks Deannie

Re: Family disagreement

Depends on what she asked you to lie about ,is it same one or a new lie?
It also depends on how strong a bond you have with your mother ,if she was to die while you are not talking ,ask yourself how will you feel .Could you live with yourself .or would you regret not being there at the end .

Re: Family disagreement

My mother and I have not always been close and yes it would hurt me if were to pass and me not be there but I cannot keep lieing for her so I'm not sure how to handle this and yes she did ask me over the Christmas holidays to lie to our good friend that we both know and has been doing our hair for years back home. Thank you for your reply. Deannie

Re: Family disagreement

Difficult to know the answer but she has to be aware and face up to what she did in the past and the repercussions - also how much she means to you and the way you may feel if this goes on and is unresolved.
Sometimes life throws up very difficult situations but would I lie and cover up what she did and how she was - not sure but don't think I would, my honest opinion for what it's worth.

Re: Family disagreement

Yes very true it is a very difficult decision to make one that haunts me. Thank you for your reply. Deannie

Re: Family disagreement

I don't like lies, and am not good at it anyway. I don't think I would lie for her Deannie, but I would be honest and tell her gently that I didn't want to be put in that position, rather than let her think I would do it.
Do you know her reasons for wanting you to cover for her? Perhaps that needs to be taken into account too. You're in a very unfortunate position, but if you start telling lies, usually more will have to follow, then where do you stop?

Re: Family disagreement

Thank you sweetie. Yes very true that's what I have been trying to say to her and I have tried talking about it to her but she just keeps saying that is the way that she wants it to be. I'm thinking about texting her soon and letting her know how I feel once again. Maybe this will help open her eyes to see my side and feelings for once... Deannie

Re: Family disagreement

Well all I can say is, don't be pushed into doing something that is going to worry your conscience forever. Look what it's done for your Mum. . . .
Good luck whatever you decide.

Re: Family disagreement

Thank you yes I am learning more towards talking with her soon and trying to mend some things with her. Deannie

Re: Family disagreement

Personally I cannot stand relatives who take advantage of the fact that they're family to behave badly and expect everyone not to be the slightest bit bothered just *because* they're family. It's a really nasty thing to do to put you in that position. Just say you're not going to do it as it makes you uncomfortable. The truth tends to come out one way or another anyway.