Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Sorry to hear about your problem Sue.

I was the youngest of 3, Sister abroad and a brother. Being the daughter it fell to me to look after my mother, with help from my daughter, who was very good. We did not live with her, but went round each day. So I know how hard it is for you.

If your sister is getting a divorce, and needs somewhere else to live. Could she not live with you, and share the looking after of your mother. This would take some of the pressure of you. Giving you time to have a bit of a life.( Just a thought.)

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

One hears a lot about elder abuse, when relatives physically abuse their elderly carees. Of course that is reprehensible, but I can understand why it happens, especially if being a carer is forced on someone who isn't happy to take on the task. I know I would probably want to inflict serious injury on my mother if I was unwise enough to consider caring for her.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

I think what is more widespread is likely to be the emotional abuse of elderly carees rather than physical, although clearly that happens too. I used to worry about this constantly when I was looking after my mother. It would have been so easy to be verbally nasty at times, and I think that can be the hardest thing to keep in check.
But once you accept that part of ageing is often to focus on self, which can be trying for the carer, it is not necessarily through choice that the older parent appears to be selfish. Fear and disability can be very destructive things.

Having said that, in retrospect I am very glad that I was able to care for my mother, even though she could drive me to distraction at times!

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

If the house was bigger - possibly... but sadly it's a tiny terraced stone cottage built in 1850, very pretty [and warm with 2ft thick limestone walls] but just 2-up 2-down.


Orangtutan - agree with you entirely. I am find ing it unbearably hard as i already suffer from depression and I clearnly can't cope with this as well. I worry that it's only a matter of time before I start saying bad things to her.... Going back to the dysfunctionality, I suffered emothional abuse from her and my father growing up... You know how we all 'hear' our parents voices when we're older?

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

I would love to be 50 agean

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

wanna trade?

Seriously, if I ever speak my piece and try to tell her how hard this is for me and how frustrating it is and how I'm not coping well, she just says, "Well move out then, find somewhere else to live".

I'm only here because I was made homeless in the first place, and for the first 6 months she hated me being here, ran be down behind my back to her friends, claimed my presence was affecting her health and asked the council how she could evict me.

Then her health changed and she now depends on me, but as you can see, I'm feeling used.

I have almost a full camping kit which I've been collecting over the last year, just need a few tent pegs and a gas cylinder... It is soooooooooooo tempting

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

Sue darlin' - that's a bit drastic, wouldn't a camper van be more comfortable and dry for you in the present weather conditions????

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

I agree with Meg I wouldn't rehome either. There are plenty of ways to keep your dog occupied with mentally stimulating games etc If you have a garden then you can play in there too - when we couldn't go out for walks I'd get some treats, get Rocky to sit/stay then walk over to the other end of the garden and get him to run to me then repeat, repeat etc lol (We're lucky our garden is fairly big). Sometimes he would just run around himself (the lawn was wrecked lol) jumping over things - I loved seeing him make the most of the garden, as far as I was concerned it was his.

Failing that, why not get a treadmill? Our neighbour has one for their Husky who goes on it every day for an hour. She's dog aggressive so they can't walk her safely around here but go on long walks up the mountains in the summer.

Plus, it could only be a temporary situation - your mum might decide she'd prefer going into a home or something?

x

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

The vet advised us to hide treats all over the house so that he has to work to find them. We put them upstairs and on the stairs, in the kitchen bathroom everywhere just one small piece and he thinks this game is wonderful. I have to say we enjoy this mad half hour too.

About you and your mum again I must stress you need help. Care UK are not anything to do with social workers knocking on y our door they are people at the end of a phone with lots of resources and advice.

Re: Almost 50.... dreading it

My mother and I have a good few hundred miles and a stretch of sea between us. I am very glad most of our contact is on the phone, usually no more than a couple of minutes nowadays, so I can just about keep the conversation civil. I did see the woman in April for the first time in two years, when on a short visit home. I joke that that I got a better welcome from my dead father in the graveyard than I got from her! To be honest when she eventually does us all a favour and turns up her toes relief is all her children will feel!