Re: Let's have a laugh

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.

Re: Let's have a laugh

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”

The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

Re: Let's have a laugh

I’d lost self-confidence because of put-downs and criticism so I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. He told me not to worry about low self-esteem, saying it’s very common amongst total losers.

Re: Let's have a laugh

Re: Let's have a laugh

Typical response of the breed! LOL! Poor You!

Re: Let's have a laugh

Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you. Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike.”

“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”

“You’re not Joe. Joe just died!”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”

“Joe! Where are you?”

“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.

“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!!”

That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?

“You’re in the team for this Saturday”.

Re: Let's have a laugh

A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

Re: Let's have a laugh

Re: Let's have a laugh

Letter to Agony Aunt

Dear Marge,
I went to the surgery today for an annual check up. He put his finger up my bum. Do you think I should change Dentists?

Fred

Re: Let's have a laugh

Might just be fitting some dentures.