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Richmond
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27-04-2020, 01:03 PM
1441

Re: Let's have a laugh

EMPLOYEE NOTICE

Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.


This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).


Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).


Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).


A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.


Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).


Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.


Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.


Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your TD, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.


Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)


PS - Due to Corona Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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Richmond
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29-04-2020, 08:33 PM
1442

Re: Let's have a laugh

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Richmond
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30-04-2020, 04:46 PM
1443

Re: Let's have a laugh

Have you seen this one?

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together
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JBR
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30-04-2020, 05:01 PM
1444

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Have you seen this one?

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
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01-05-2020, 04:40 PM
1445

Re: Let's have a laugh

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AliceWonderland
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02-05-2020, 10:05 PM
1446

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Attachment 12398
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Richmond
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03-05-2020, 01:24 PM
1447

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by AliceWonderland ->
Glad you enjoyed it AliceW
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Richmond
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03-05-2020, 01:25 PM
1448

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by alicewonderland ->
lol like your post!! Alice - thanks
realspeed
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06-05-2020, 01:01 AM
1449

Re: Let's have a laugh

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Richmond
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Richmond is offline
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06-05-2020, 03:49 PM
1450

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by realspeed ->
Amazing technology out there !!!

Good one!
 
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