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Julie1962
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16-02-2015, 11:15 PM
11

Re: Quandary!

Originally Posted by Meg ->
Hi ST I would contact the people in question and ask if everything was alright because you understood they were coming on Sunday but they failed to arrive and you were a bit concerned .

Then next time if they wanted to come I would say it wasn't convenient.

This way you will let them know they let you down and avoid another visit.
That's what I would chose. Gives them a way out and you keep your dignity too.
TessA
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16-02-2015, 11:18 PM
12

Re: Quandary!

That's very rude and thoughtless. If it was me, the next time say you've already wasted two days so could you go to them instead as you're more reliable!
No I wouldn't really I'd just sulk and avoid them.
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17-02-2015, 12:03 AM
13

Re: Quandary!

Well I'm sorry ST, but I think that is really rude and selfish of them, and to do it TWICE . . . I would have been very cross.
I'm afraid if that was any of my friends and the day was wearing on, and they still hadn't turned up, I would have rung them and said "are you flippin' coming or not!"
Perhaps rather blunt I know, but I can be honest with my friends, and anyway, I wouldn't just 'not turn up' if someone was expecting me, not without letting them know.
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17-02-2015, 09:05 AM
14

Re: Quandary!

I'd certainly be very cross if this happened once, let alone twice so if they tried a third meeting I'd be inclined to reply no, you obviously weren't serious about it.

Appalling manners.
Myra
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17-02-2015, 09:10 AM
15

Re: Quandary!

That was so rude of them to treat you like that. They obviously think their time is more precious than yours. They obviously know how lovely natured you are, but I'd have to say something to them. They've done wrong. Just make it straight to the point.
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17-02-2015, 10:19 AM
16

Re: Quandary!

Originally Posted by Meg ->
Hi ST I would contact the people in question and ask if everything was alright because you understood they were coming on Sunday but they failed to arrive and you were a bit concerned .

Then next time if they wanted to come I would say it wasn't convenient.

This way you will let them know they let you down and avoid another visit.
This is the way to go, it's spot on.

You are rising above starting an argument or letting them see it has bothered you a great deal.

They may have seen the suggestion as a casual one where they would turn up and you would all have a jolly time making cards not realising that you had marked the day down to doing that and were waiting for them.

Sometimes people have a different idea in their head and I have fallen for that too as I tend to stick to things even if they are seen as a suggestion by someone else.

It probably was more thoughtless than deliberately misleading you, that's the point I was making but at the same time I would certainly say it wasn't convenient in case it happened again and you were once again waiting.

It would probably not be best to have a row which would cause you stress too, just be firm in saying no as you are busy elsewhere and they will get the message that you're not impressed.

As you said they are the kind of friends who would give you their last penny, good friends are very hard to come by, I think they had the wrong impression of it being a more casual arrangement, it will pass and you will still have your friends.
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17-02-2015, 07:24 PM
17

Re: Quandary!

Thank you all so much for your advice.

Deciding that leaving it to fester would only make it worse, I screwed up my courage and phoned them this evening. Took a jokey approach - I'm just ringing up to tell you why I'm not speaking to you - sort of thing. Abject apologies all round and we are all still friends.

Is it too early to have a large gin and tonic?
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17-02-2015, 07:26 PM
18

Re: Quandary!

Originally Posted by Silver Tabby ->
Thank you all so much for your advice.

Deciding that leaving it to fester would only make it worse, I screwed up my courage and phoned them this evening. Took a jokey approach - I'm just ringing up to tell you why I'm not speaking to you - sort of thing. Abject apologies all round and we are all still friends.

Is it too early to have a large gin and tonic?
I hope they had a good excuse for you ST
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17-02-2015, 07:33 PM
19

Re: Quandary!

I thought of you a few times today ST. It's a horrible feeling when friends seem to take advantage. You always feel very let down. I hope you can make your feelings felt and that they take note. You seem such a lovely person and it's not nice that someone takes advantage of that. I've been there and you have to let them know it's not on.
eccles
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17-02-2015, 08:08 PM
20

Re: Quandary!

I wouldn't have been as kind and tactful (or forgiving) as you. It's sheer selfishness on their part, to think their time's more important than yours. They don't sound the sort of friends I'd want, and I'd be tempted to arrange something with them and just not turn up.
 
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